Two Halves Make A Whole
by Panda54
Summary: When things are broken they're meant to be mended, right? AkuRoku, AU
1. Cold Integrity Keeps Me Wide Awake

**A/N: Sooo here I am with another AkuRoku! Weee!~ It's your stereotypical, run-of-the-mill AU that had just popped into my head the other day. It's written in first person, Roxas' POV, which is really the only way I can type, haha. This will probably have some SoRiku, Zemyx, or any other couple I want to throw in with it; though it IS a little hard to focus on more than one pairing with the first person writing style. CURSE ME! D: I don't expect this to become big or anything, just writing for fun here! And maybe some nice reviews. :3 Anyways, enough of my worthless rambles, I hope you enjoy this! :D (And yes, I named this story after my icon, how lame is that?)**

**Rating: ****T.**** Will contain strong language and ****sexual content later on. (Yaoi-ness my friends. Don't like it? Then for heaven's sake, don't read this) Suggestive themes and the use of alcohol and drugs most likely too. The first few chapters will be pretty innocent though.  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Axel _or_ Roxas. I also don't own the world, but I plan to someday.  
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**-TWO HALVES MAKE A WHOLE-**

_Chapter I: Cold Integrity Keeps Me Wide Awake_

I remember rain. It was cold too. My arms must have been covered in goosebumps. I was most likely shaking on the hard ground, my arms probably wrapped around my torso, as if securing myself from the world around me. My whole body ached like a throbbing bruise for reasons unclear to me. My head was a jumbled mess; it was hard to focus on just one thing and it ached horribly when I tried. In the back of my mind, practically my subconscious, thoughts erupted like a bout firecrackers, causing my eyes to water. I was suddenly thinking, or even _hoping_ that perhaps, by some whim of fate, this was all just some messed up and dysfunctional dream. I wished it, actually. Wished it with all my might. My eyes closed shut so tightly it felt like they would eternally stay that way as my mind flooded with worry and dread. Would someone come to save me? Would anyone help me? Was I bound to wade this out while I writhed in agony? What was going to happen to me? Though…this had to have been my fault from the beginning, hadn't it? The memories tugged at my brain, willing them to surface but having a hard time seeing as how my mind was so cloudy. The reason I was lying here, the reason I was alone and cold on the ground. It was _my_ fault. I'd done this to myself in the first place. No. I hadn't meant for everything to go so completely wrong again – I'd just wanted it all to _end_. Not to keep going at the same dead pace it'd been at for the past few months. Had I thought, that maybe by doing this, it possibly _would _be the end? I must have. Then, there would be no more pain. No more lies. No more life itself. _That_ was what I wanted. What I longed for. I only begged for peace, silence, tranquility. _Nothingness_.

But what I got was the exact opposite.

_"Roxas, honey, come help your mother with this," said Mom while bringing down one of the many boxes from the attic. Her lean frame stepped down one last rung of the ladder and held out the over-sized box for me to take. _

_I nodded, my eyes still glued to the television I'd been watching and headed over towards her. My arms came up automatically and latched onto the sides of the heavy thing. "Just why are we bringing all this with us? Can't we throw this stuff away? It's not like we use any of it," I droned, heaving the box towards the kitchen table. _

_"I can't just throw it all away!" she exclaimed quickly, as if I had just told her to get rid of precious jewels and not some old dusty artifacts. "They're special and they hold many memories," she finished, clasping her hands out in front of her and smiling over at me. _

_I sighed, placing the box onto the table and folding over the sides of the cardboard. I resisted the urge to cough at the dust that floated up towards my eyes and mouth and reached into it, pulling out the first thing I saw _– _a teddy bear that had defiantly seen better days. "Is this…Jasper?" I asked with the slightest amount of astonishment, my eyes narrowing momentarily at the toy. Memories flooded my mind from when I was a child. Didn't I used to carry this ratty old thing around with me everywhere I went? To the park, the playground, the beach, school even? Since when had it ended up in the attic…? _

_"Oh!" my mother squeaked, running over to me. "You used to love him, didn't you Roxas? You would hold him wherever we went. You cried when I took him away." I looked up at her, her eyes seeming distant. _

_"So you jacked the thing from me, huh?" I deadpanned, turning the doll over in my hand. _

_"Your father thought it was time for you to grow up," she almost whispered, her deep blue eyes focusing on me intently. _

_I sighed and threw the thing back into the box with leisure, wanting nothing more to do with it. "Good thing too, I might still have been lugging it around even now," I tried to make my words sarcastic as I could. _

_She only smiled and gave me a quick hug, which I wasn't really expecting. She let go before I could protest. "We'll be gone from here in less than three days," She held up three fingers for emphasis. "Just make sure you have everything packed up and ready, alright?" _

_I inhaled and nodded slightly, scratching the side of my head. "Yea Mom, I know. You've told me hundreds of times." _

_Her eyes rolled to the side and she poked my nose with one of her dainty fingers. "You don't seem as excited about this as I had hoped," she said, her lip turning down into a small frown, but the smile still ghosted over her features. _

_"I am, really," I started. She didn't seem convinced. "I __**want**__ to move. Twilight Town is__ really getting on my nerves anyway." I remembered all the snow we had just amounted over the last couple of days. It was May for crying out loud and this stupid place had a foot of the lovely white stuff. _

_"Then just you wait, Destiny Islands__ will be a shock to all of us, I'm sure." She smiled even at the seriousness of her voice and then gave me a quick pat on the head before returning off into the attic. _

Am I dead? I hope so. Please oh _please_ let me be dead. I wanted to open my eyes, see where I was. Maybe, perhaps, I was in Heaven. I doubted it though. Church wasn't exactly my forte and God had never answered any of my prayers, so it wasn't like I believed in him. Where else could I possibly be? Hell? But would Hell feel this comfy? I scrunched my fingers into a fist at my side and felt blankets fold underneath the pressure. So…maybe Hell had some type of Hotel system. Room service would be nice, I was starving. I held back the urge to open my eyes as I moved my arm over slowly, searching for the phone so I could call for a hot fudge sundae and six doughnuts. My hand, incidentally, didn't find the phone it was hoping for. Instead, my fingers formed around human skin. It was warm to the touch, soft and smooth but rough at the same time. For some reason, I didn't back away from it. I let my fingers brush across it, leaving lines that seemed to appear behind my eye lids. For a few moments, that was all I did. All thoughts left me. I didn't much care where I was anymore than I cared _who_ I was. An airy feeling entered my stomach and I reconsidered that maybe this was in fact Heaven.

Before a voice filled my ears, interrupting my façade of happiness. "Does my arm really feel that good, or are you just desperate for some loving?"

I didn't think when my eyes shot open, quicker than I would have hoped. Light blinded me for a couple of seconds and a headache settled deep into the confines of the back of my skull. Great, just what I needed. This most defiantly was _not_ Heaven.

I moaned, ignoring the voice I had heard and rolled over onto my side, opposite of the person, recoiling my outstretched arm. Whoever it was they had no idea what I was going through and really didn't need to get messed up in it. No one needed that, no one deserved that. No one.

"Alright, don't wanna talk I see. Don't worry about it, I can wait…" the voice trailed off, sounding bored but patient. Now that I thought about it, I couldn't quite pin point this voice. It was laid back, in no hurry for conversation but it had a kind of cockiness to it that I didn't appreciate. The last thing I needed was another arrogant brat on my case.

I decided I was also in no rush for the world's biggest confession on my part, and snuggled deeper into the covers of the bed. With my eyes closing, forgetting completely about the voice beside me, I drifted off once again into sleep. But I wasn't expecting it to be restless, no. I would have a dream again. A dream about my former life. Of what I used to be.

_I tapped my fingers in a drumming motion onto the desk _– _once, twice, three times. My chin rested in my hand that was propped up onto the structure. School wasn't always the most invigorating thing in the world for me; sure it could be interesting at times, something for me to do, but boring as hell. Especially when the teacher had a monotone voice that practically __**lulled**__ you to sleep. I felt my head slipping from my hand, my eyes closing without intention. This had to be the most boring lecture in the history of lectures, __**ever**__. _

_"Hey…pssst…!" _

_I blinked my lazy eyes, this new voice buzzing in my ear like an alarm compared to the teacher's. _

_I looked to my left, slowly, without much interest. Whoever it was most likely just wanted to tell me my shoe was untied or something useless like that. My eyes focused on the boy next to me, his curly, dirty blond hair sticking out on his head. I'd seen this boy around; he was in some of my classes, though I had yet to learn his name. In his hand was a triangle shaped note, he nudged it towards me with urgency. One eyebrow lifted on my face as I glanced back up at Mr. Manson, his back to the class, still going on about the structure of DNA and atoms. I rolled my eyes back over to the blond, his features twisted into confusion and stress, probably wanting to get rid of the note before the teacher turned around. Sighing softly, I reached over the walkway and grasped the small note between my index and middle finger. The boy smirked at me, obviously happy I'd finally accepted his memo then turned back to listen to the lecture. _

_Glancing once back at the boy I looked down at the message, unfolding it casually. Word's appeared behind the folds and creases, I read them slowly. _

_Hey, I'm Hayner; I'm in your calculus class too. You just moved here from Twilight Town__, didn't you? Anyway, we should hang out sometime. Pence and Olette keep asking about you. They're the two sitting behind me who're always following me around. Write me back. _

_I tapped my finger on the note, once, twice, my features probably set into an annoyed glare. This boy obviously didn't see the elusive wall I so earnestly tried to keep up around me. Friends were nice, but mostly just slowed you down in life. Who really needed them?_

_Being the rude person I was, I ignored the note, folding it back up and pushing it to the side of my desk then tried to focus on the lecture once again. It was hard, with the blond casting me side glances every two minutes, watching to see if I was going to respond to him. Well he could stare all he wanted; I wasn't writing him some stupid note like I was back in grade school._

_The bell rang much too late, I'd almost fallen asleep by the time it did. I was glad for its loud, annoying ring, anything less wouldn't have woken me. Just as I had almost reached the door, moving quickly to evade the eager blond, a tug on my shirt stopped me abruptly. I sighed deeply, my plan foiled. Just how __**much**__ did these kids want to hang out with me? _

_"Wait up, Roxas! You didn't write me back, what's up with that, man? To busy paying attention to the Manson or are you just trying to avoid us?" the blond's confident voice echoed in my ears, a slight chuckle laced his words._

_I set my stare into a casually bored one before turning around to face him. This time the two kids he mentioned were trailing behind him, one on either side of the blond, like two human magnets. One was a boy, the other a girl. The boy was shorter, rounder, with spiky black hair that stuck out from the sweatband around his forehead. He smiled at me, so did the girl, her brown hair flowing neatly over her thin shoulders. _

_I rolled my tongue around in my mouth, thinking of something to say. I could be mean _– _that would get them off my back. Or maybe for once I could __**not**__ be an ass and actually __**try**__ to be the least bit civil towards others. Well, that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. _

_"The latter," I replied, shrugging my shoulders with the slightest of effort. Hayner's face set into a frown, the other two's smiles faded as well like they were all connected somehow._

_"Look, we're just trying to—" _

_"Be nice?" I cut him off quickly, ignoring the glares I received. "Yea, well, thanks for trying, but I have a class to get to." I turned around without another word and stalked off to History._

_"We won't give up on you, Roxas! Just you wait! One of these days_ – _you'll be begging to hang with us!" Hayner's smug voice echoed off the school walls and a smile actually danced around the edge of my lips. _

_He was right though, one hundred percent right. _

The smell of antiseptics woke me this time. It filled my nose and burned it, sending me to latch onto the sheets on top of me in a desperate attempt to cover my mouth. I didn't have to question if I was dead or not this time, I would recognize that smell from anywhere. Again I was in this damn _hospital_. I only wondered what I'd done this time to get me here.

"Morning sunshine," a cheery voice came from the same spot as before. It almost scared me for a second, but I remained calm, hand resting on my nose, the sheet placed firmly beneath it.

"Is the smell too much for you? I can open a window or something…" The voice traveled the room as it spoke, growing softer every step it took. I let my eye lids fold lazily back over eyes, semi-blocking out the glare from the bright fluorescent above. The headache still persisted though, strong as ever.

I heard the creak of a window and then the smell of fresh air wafted into the small white room. I subconsciously lowered the cloth from my mouth and breathed in the new, inviting aroma. It smelled like freshly cut grass and summer breeze. I enjoyed the moment while I could.

"So, are you going to stay awake this time? Because I _am_ getting a little tired of waiting right about now." This guy just didn't know when to shut up.

I made no move to answer, no move at all. Hopefully he was the least bit smart and would take that as a 'no' and maybe I could get some more sleep – dreamless would be nice.

"You don't talk much, do you kid?"

I resisted the urge to flip the stranger off. Under all my pent up and anger and annoyance, I could still muster enough strength to ignore him, I just had to keep trying. Keep it together; I could_ not_ let him get to me.

"I know you're awake and I know you can hear me," the voice pointed out smugly. "So go ahead and talk." It grew to a whisper before it finished, "Unless you're…scared?"

I let out a long sigh, the heat of my breath curling around my chapped lips. The anger was coming. I'd given him many chances to avoid it, but he just _had_ to keep provoking me.

"Hmmm…I guess you _are_ scared. There really isn't anything to be afraid—"

"You had better shut the _fuck_ up before I make you wish you'd never spoken to me in the first place," I growled, voice low and hoarse from the days spent without talking. I felt the need to cough hysterically, but I held it in for the sake of the comment. A coughing fit would totally ruin the depth I was going for.

"Oh ho ho – so he _speaks_?" came the response. Was he …laughing at my threat?

I tried to search for any reason for the hilarity. Perhaps he thought I was going for sarcasm, maybe my voice really _wasn't_ strong enough to ensue the death sentence I had invoked. Joking. Maybe he thought it was a joke, a laughing matter, something to play around with. Or he could have just been laughing at _me_. Making fun of me, like the bastard he was. He would regret that.

Heat boiling in my veins, my eyes clamped tight, I let out a low growl before I shot myself up from my lying position on the bed. I ignored the fuzzy feeling in my head and opened my eyes, quickly intent to glare at the voicer before I ripped him to shreds.

That was when a red flare hit my eyes. It made my lightheadedness even worse, but I held strong. I blinked a couple of times before I focused on the man, I could still feel the anger pulsing through my veins like wild fire. It was ready to be let out and this guy was a perfect venue. The blurriness faded quickly but when he came into full view, my heartbeat suddenly slowed. My face lost its intensity and my fists loosened up. I could almost feel the heat leaving my cheeks. Was I actually…calming down?

It seemed the more I stared at him, the less I felt the need to punch his guts out. His emerald green eyes stared into mine with curiosity, kindness and warmth. The hair atop his head was like none I'd ever seen before. It was red but not orangey-red like a carrot top, no; this was almost like the color of blood. So bright. So _red_. That couldn't possibly be his real color, could it? I observed it further, seeing how it pointed into long straight spikes towards his back, all of them falling into a mass of hair like a fiery red bush. He had two diamond shaped tick marks tattooed underneath both his cat-like eyes, almost like teardrops. Resting against his lip was a small silver hoop, which matched the many others scattered throughout his ears. So many piercings…and he had _tattoos_ too. He was leaned over in a chair just inches from the bed, inches from _me_. For a few moments, I had completely forgotten the reason why I was looking at him in the first place. All sense had gone out the open window, or so to speak.

I noticed, after the few beats of silence I'd been looking him over in, a small but confident smirk settle over the man's perfect features, causing his lip ring to adjust to the movement. Either he was glad his interesting face had distracted me or he was just smiling at the stupid look that was most likely plastered on my _own_ face. Anger tugged and yelled at my conscience, begging me to get over my slight and weird infatuation, if you could call it that, with this boy and just start beating him _up_ already. But I wouldn't; I couldn't even move.

"What's the matter, Blondie?" the redhead asked with that cockiness from earlier sneaking its way into his words. His voice was smooth, without fault, ringing like a bell in my ears.

I ground my teeth together in my mouth, asking myself that exact _same _question. Just what the hell _was_ the matter with me? I was practically fuming just a minute ago…

"Cat got your tongue?" he sneered suddenly, catching me off guard. The ring twisted back and forth on his lip, his tongue obviously behind the movement. I blanched, my eyes growing wide, my heartbeat resuming its race. Why couldn't I treat this stranger like I treated everyone else? Why was I getting all nervous and tense? Why the hell was I acting like a 12-year-old girl?!

The door on the other side of the room slowly swung open, taking my eyes off the redhead at last. I saw him turn to the noise as well, his smirk fading as a woman in a white trench coat entered the room. I sighed, relief stricken. Good – it was one of my father's lackeys. Finally someone who knew what they were doing.

"Ah, so Roxas is awake I see," said the woman as she pushed up the glasses that rested on the bridge of her nose. She walked slowly over to the side of my bed, her hands grasping a clip board with a pen positioned to write. She would tell me what happened and then I could leave. I could disappear and hopefully _never_ come back.

"I'm Aerith – a nurse here." She stopped in front of the bed, a few inches from where the annoying redhead sat lounged in the chair. "So how are you feeling today, Roxas?" She spoke directly to me, her eyes focusing intently through her thin rimmed spectacles.

I shrugged and loosened up my features from my earlier stare down with the redheaded stranger. "I'm feeling fine. No, better than fine. I'm feeling great." I had to lay it on as thick as I could – no need for further examinations or probing, I only wanted to leave.

She smiled at my enthusiasm and scribbled something down onto the paper. I bit my lip nervously. "Good," she said finally, lifting her hand from the clipboard to rest it on my forehead. I sat as still as I could, her hand feeling icy cold on my heated skin. "You still seem to have a little bit of a fever," she concluded, jotting something down again.

I sighed and let my eyes drift around the room, stopping at the closed door I studied it intently while I mulled over a question in my head. I might as well. "What…exactly happened to me?" I asked with caution. Maybe I was really better off not knowing – the memories could possibly eat me away once I knew. But _not_ knowing was killing me too.

Her light green eyes blinked a couple of times, long eyelashes brushing her cheekbones. "You don't remember?" It seemed she didn't know much about me after all. Forgetting things was in my record, as was getting into hospitals left and right.

I shook my head and she continued. "I guess – that it's natural that you would forget." She pursed her lips over a growing sad expression and I waited while she thought of a way to break it to me of how stupid I had been. I would have liked it more probably if she just yelled at me, gotten straight to the point, not beat around the bush like this. I was getting restless. Testing my patience wasn't exactly the smartest thing to do. "Well…when they found you, you were unconscious. Apparently you had run out into the woods while it was raining no less. Your father wasn't home, so you must have spent a little more than an hour lying there before he called the police and said you were missing." She tapped her long, painted finger nails on the clipboard, thinking again.

I decided to cut to the chase. "Was I smashed?"

She cleared her throat, obviously perturbed by my formality as I stared at her through half lidded eyes. "Well...your BAC was 0.19 percent, if that is what you mean…"

"Damn," I muttered under my breath, running my fingers along my jaw line. I'd gotten drunk again, obviously wasted. That would explain my pounding head and hazy eyes. Though the symptoms weren't as bad as I'd thought they'd be, which I was extremely glad for. The full blown hangover had toned down to more of a headache or a piercing sting. I must have been sleeping for more than a few days. Sleep was pretty much the only thing I was good at. Being unconscious – it was almost like a profession for me.

"You…were also found with…" The woman reached down slowly, moving towards the arm that was rested against my chin. I looked at her, confused for a second before she made me realize that both my wrists were bandaged up in a thin white material, all the way up to my thumbs and forefingers. I turned them over, scanning them thoughtfully, watching my fingers shake as I tried to hold them still. It wasn't a surprise, actually I was kind of wondering just when something like this was going to show up, dampening my parade even more so.

"How bad?" I asked nonchalantly, turning my wrists over and over again in front of my tired eyes, never looking back at her. I couldn't feel the pain, so I guessed they had already given me a nice amount of pain killers. Numbing the wounds was the best thing to do anyway.

"Well they may take some time to heal properly," she decided to say, her voice still kind and calm.

I lowered my wrists, sighing, glancing down at the baggy white hospital clothes I was dressed in. I'd have to get changed if I was ever leaving this place. They had better have kept my clothes from before. If I had to walk out in public with these on it'd be mortifying. "Alright, so when can I leave?" I asked quickly. "Do I need to do any paper work? Or has my Dad already—?"

"Roxas," she cut me off, staring into my eyes with her own, her suddenly sharp voice putting me on edge. "Your father…he – has told us to put you in the care of someone else."

My eyes narrowed incredulously at her statement. It didn't take long before anger flared once again in my chest, the realization of her comment taking some time to sink in. My dad…so he was just going to abandoned me now? Give me away like some freaking _dog_? Finally gotten tired of me. So he's had enough of the crazy, suicidal, fuck-up teenager.

I gripped both my fists together tightly, feeling the white medical cloth stretch around my knuckles. I had to calm down. My father hardly meant anything to me anymore; I couldn't get so worked up over him. Besides…it was _my_ fault as much as it was his. I took a deep breath through my nose and let it out through an opened mouth. I could get through this. I _would_ get through this.

"He thinks that…a sort of…foster care would work well," Aerith spoke up slowly and carefully again after I'd calmed. I glared back at her, my anger subsiding for the moment as she continued on. "Like adoption, but not that extreme. It'll be the same as if you were living back at your own home, only…" she trailed off and I expected the worse. "You will be watched 24/7 and under strict house arrest for the next month."

I sighed again for what seemed like the hundredth time. Of course I was expecting something along those lines – either that or _jail_. I guess…that this wasn't so bad. I'd rather live at a stranger's house than get raped in prison or have nowhere to go and end up living on the streets. If my father didn't want me anymore, I guess this was the best thing to do. I just had to accept that and move on.

"How…does that sound to you, Roxas?" Aerith asked, her curiously piquing at my silence.

I held back the complaints I desperately wanted to spit and simply answered, "I don't really have a choice, do I?"

A smile lit across her soft features, probably happy with my cooperative mood, glad that I hadn't lashed out on her. Yea, she was just lucky I guess. "Then you can get going. The paper work is already taken care of and—"

"Wait a second. Who am I staying with?" I asked quickly before she could say anything else. Of course I wanted to know just who was going to be watching me all the time and whose house I'd be aimlessly thrown into. Maybe I'd be lucky and get somebody who wouldn't give a damn about me. Though luck was _never _on my side.

"Oh! Right," Aerith chirped as she looked to her left, down at the redheaded stranger I had all but completely forgotten about for the past few minutes of talking to the bubbly nurse. With the smile still on her face, she danced around to the back of Mr. Redhead's chair and placed her hands lightly on his two shoulders. A sick feeling entered my gut causing my eyes to narrow into slits. "This is Axel; you'll be living with him."

As I glared into the newly named stranger's eyes, that stupid grin still lingering on his lips, I figured that I might as well be cursed to Hell.

"We'll have plenty of fun together, won't we?" Axel said, his chin resting under his knuckles, elbow propped up on the chair's arm.

Out of everyone in the whole goddamn world, I just _had_ to get stuck with this idiot.

**xXx**

"Okay, so…this'll be your room."

I looked around the small but quaint space, my eyes never staying on one spot for too long. A bed, dresser, desk, closet, television, and a window portraying the trivial down town city portion of Destiny Islands flashed across my vision. I scowled out at the world just beyond that window – the bustling people, the bright sunny sky, the ocean lapping its waves against the shore, and the white puffy clouds floating by, just out of reach to the rest of the world. It made me sick. No, more than that, it practically made me want to throw up. I swallowed down the acid bubbling up deep in the back of my throat and tried not to focus on how awful this stupid damn situation I was in was. Disregarding the redhead's comment, practically forgetting that he was even standing in the same room, I silently sauntered over towards the small bed. While kneading a hand against my forehead I quickly sat myself down, facing opposite the window and the man called Axel. A silent second faded by before I let myself go, slumping down onto the bed fully, the side of my head hitting the pillow softly, my knees and legs feeling the need to join the rest of my tired body up on the comfy surface as well. I let them hang off the bed for a few moments, my toes fruitlessly scrunching in my sneakers, eager to rid myself of the binds. I stared down at my faded and warn out blue jeans, frowning. I'd received my clothes, washed and dried, and changed out of the hospital garments as soon as I'd been allowed. Though, at the moment, the clothes only seemed to bind me, causing memories to flood my head and weigh me down. I soon kicked off both my shoes, sending them fumbling to the floor beneath my short legs before I reached them both up and curled them close to my body. Wrapping my arms around the appendages I hoped that if I closed my eyes tight enough, held _on_ tight enough, that maybe the world outside would just…disappear.

Silence filled my ears, flooded them, practically hollowed them out. I felt the need to scream. Why? I didn't know. I wasn't in pain; my wrists were bound tight enough for me to hardly feel the lacerations at all. So if I wasn't hurting then why was my heart beating like a freaking drum on steroids? Being there shouldn't have terrified me so much. I was welcomed into a home, a roof was over my head and I was going to be taken care of. Yet…I was freaking out. I was _scared_. Scared that if I got too close to something, it would break apart – fall away beneath my finger tips. Worried that if I was allowed near anyone or anything again, something terrible would happen that I could never fix. And it would be all my _fault_.

My heart constricted deep in my chest, overwhelming me, eating me from the inside out when a rough hand was placed on my shoulder. I froze like ice, heat rising in my cheeks in spite of the cold I felt throughout my body.

"Hey, are you okay…?"

I closed my eyes tighter, resisting the urge to yell and scream at the man to get his damn hand _off _me. He was invading my space, practically braking down my wall. I didn't even _know_ him. Why should he even care if I was feeling well? I quickly remembered my father. I felt the need to snarl at the very thought of him, my breath catching deep in my throat before I could stop it from leaking out. He was most likely paying a great deal of money for this service. Paying his heap loads of cash to keep his own son out of his hair. Then there was that damn hospital, greatly in the care of my parent. The poor idiots who worked there practically doted on him as if he were some kind of god. It made me sick. Nevertheless, my father was the one in charge and if he had ordered I'd be taken care of, then that was what had to ensue. If anything happened to me…it would be _this_ guy's fault. The redhead didn't care about me – he didn't care one bit.

He just didn't want to get in trouble.

"You're shaking, kid."

I stared down at my hands clutched around my knees. Yea_,_ they were trembling – I'd noticed. Way to point out the obvious, Mr. _Genius_.

"Do you want a glass of water…? Anything? I can't really figure out what's wrong when you don't even tell me what's going on," he chuckled gently, his fingers brushing against my shoulder again with the slightest of movements. I scowled into my jeans at his light mood and violently shook my left shoulder, the man's hand jerking back at the motion.

"How about you leave me the fuck alone?" I murmured harshly, hardly able to hear myself over the trembles in my own voice. I didn't need water. I didn't need his meaningless words of endearment. I didn't need _him_. I only needed solitary confinement.

I heard the man sigh from behind me, tired of me already I presumed. "They really didn't joke around when they told me how standoffish you were."

My eyes couldn't help but shoot open at his sudden statement. It sickened me to hear that people were talking about me behind my back, as if I wasn't already messed up enough. I could just _picture _all those nurses and doctors, explaining to the redhead just how screwed up I really was. Damn them for saying things about me. Damn people. _Damn them_.

I clutched tighter at my jeans, feeling my short nails pinch into the skin of my legs, sending little vibrations of pain up through my nerves. Anger again – stupid _anger_. Calm down. Just calm down.

"Hang on; I'll go get you some—"

My mouth flew open before I could clamp it back down again, "I said why don't you _leave. Me. The fuck. ALONE_!"

The room seemed to emanate with my yell – words of hate-filled anger. Had I meant to scream that loudly? I almost took it back when I heard the door creak open and close shut, leaving me sobbing into my knees, trying my best to hold myself together despite the emotions clawing their way through my chest.

I tried to tell myself it wasn't worth it. Getting close to people meant vulnerability – they could hurt me in seconds if they wanted. And I could hurt them just as easily. Why is everything in life so damn _difficult_…?

**xXx**

The growing hunger in my lower stomach was what woke me from my partial slumber. My eye lids fluttering, I looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings of the room. It took a few moments for my brain to register the place. The apartment. The redhead's apartment. It hadn't been a dream. I really _was _here. I narrowed my eyes at nothing in particular, something nagging me at the back of my mind. I tried hard to focus on what my former subconscious was trying to tell me, but I couldn't think of anything, my mind was blank.

_Blank. _

I hadn't dreamed. Nothing. Not one.

It struck me as odd for a moment, and then I began to panic. Nervousness engulfed my stomach as my mind struggled to find a reason for the missing dreams. It shouldn't have upset me so much, shouldn't have even worried me. I hated those dreams. Hated them so much that I had begun to seek shelter beneath them. They brought back who I used to be, how life really_ should_ have been. Even if it was just me pretending, even if I could never bring them back, it still felt nice to actually _be_. Maybe I didn't hate the dreams after all.

It must have been a fluke – I probably wasn't even sleeping just then. Yea, that had to be it. I must have—

My stomach growled impatiently once again, sending me out of my fretting state. I didn't have to worry myself so much about the dreams; all I needed now was some food. I hefted my tired body from the comfortable bed and approached the door, with no thoughts in my mind but how good it was going to feel to finally get something in my belly. How long had I gone without anything to eat? Must have been at least two days, I was practically starving.

As I reached the door I could hear noise on the other side, it sounded almost like a…television? My eyes widened and I retreated back a step, causing my heart to pound in my chest. That's right. I was not alone here. The redhead was just outside that door, most likely sitting in the small living room, watching what sounded like some cheesy soap opera. A rumble escaped from my abdomen again and I felt like kicking the door down. I_ would_ have too, if it wouldn't cause such awkwardness. I didn't want to go out there and ask the man for food like some child. I was not a kid. I could just imagine myself, sauntering out of the bedroom, smiling like some idiot, saying, "Is dinner ready yet?" or, "I'm hungry, can I please get something to eat?" The redhead would either totally ignore me if he was still angry about earlier, or he would just laugh. Could I even _handle_ either of those scenarios?

Stupid. So stupid. At my house I made my own food, cooked for myself every day. I made myself dinner and lunch when_ I_ was hungry. I hadn't had a real meal with my family since…

I swallowed thickly, not finishing my thought, instead thinking of a new one. I couldn't possibly just talk to this stranger again, not after I'd told him off so many times. Not after the things I'd said to him.

So what, I was just…not going to eat the rest of the night?

I turned around for a moment; the window practically glared me down. The sun had already set – the sea was now in a dark midnight glow, the moon reflecting off its waters. From this high up off the ground, it almost looked like the sky had fallen _into_ the mere. The people and cars from earlier had been replaced by street lights and the sound of crickets. I flitted back around to glare at the door, groaning softly, my socked foot tapping against the carpet on the floor anxiously. I kind of _had_ to have food; it wasn't an option to go hungry for this long. Maybe if I wasn't such a—

"Kid, I ordered some pizza; it's out here if you want any."

The knock had me reeling, sucking in a deep breath of air so I wouldn't hyperventilate at the shock. I was just thankful he hadn't opened the door; I was not fond of getting my face smashed in. I opened my mouth but shut it sharply when a small, unrequested squeak escaped. I quickly clamped my palm over my lips, eyes owlish. I waited uneasily as the footsteps retreated, leaving me once again alone with my thoughts.

The redhead had bought pizza. _Pizza_. It'd been awhile since I'd had it. My innards grumbled and moaned just at the thought. I wondered briefly if the redhead had had to travel down the apartment steps to the front doors to retrieve the food from a teenage pizza boy who in turn took his money and left in one of those geeky cars. Well, most likely. That was how you ordered it. I used to all the time…

The idea of warm pizza in my mouth practically had me flinching as I stood there, staring at the door. I had to._ Had_ to. I couldn't just stay in here forever no matter how pleasing that sounded. I wished for a second that the stupid redhead had just slipped me a piece or two from the door. Why did I have to go face him now?

It took all I had to just turn that handle, but once I did, I was actually surprised at how easy it was to walk into the kitchen. My eyes didn't linger on the body sitting on the sofa, still obviously engrossed in whatever he was watching. As long as he didn't move from that spot and just let me be…

"Look who's finally joined the land of the living."

I swallowed so hard it felt like I'd accidentally gulped down my own heart. Okay so, maybe this wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. On second thought, I wasn't even hungry anymore. Who needed food anyway? Besides, I could stand to lose a few pounds. Okay, that wasn't true – I was as skinny as a stick. But that's not the point. The point _is_ that I didn't want to be anywhere _near_ food at that moment. My stomach felt so nauseous. His footsteps came closer and closer still and my heart didn't slow.

"I'll get you a plate. Do you like soda?"

I watched, slightly amazed as red hair flashed in front of my eyes and moved over towards the cupboards of the small kitchenette. I made no move to open my mouth; I just knew that I would have sputtered out some stupid answer if I tried. I wasn't ready for this; maybe there was still enough time to run back into the room…

"Hey Barbie, do you want soda or what? I've got Root Beer and Mountain Dew," the redhead tried again, urging me to answer.

My mind swam for a few moments, comprehending that, yes – this man had just called me "_Barbie_". Okay, wait a minute…what the hell?

"Ex-excuse me?" I floundered. My lips refused to close so I probably looked like a damn fish. This guy just was so weird! Why had I even been put under the care of someone who was hardly any older than me? With flaming red hair and an attitude to boot. It was pure madness, that's what it was.

A hand came up to his red head and he ran it through the long conspicuous spikes and sighed, "You're getting Root Beer; I don't care if you don't like it." He reached into the refrigerator and snatched a can of pop from its confines, sending it to clatter across the counter, sitting inches from my frozen body.

I made no move to pick it up; maybe I would have if I wasn't trying so hard to keep my sanity in check. Root Beer actually did sound nice…

"Have as much as you want of the pizza – I've already eaten," the man said while grabbing a can of Root Beer for himself. He set the plastic blue plate that he'd grabbed onto the counter next to my soda and then trudged on back towards the couch without another word.

I stared into space, star-struck for a moment before reality hit me. There were so many questions I wanted to ask – myself _and_ the redhead. But they'd have to wait. I was hungry and that pizza smelled like heaven.


	2. I'll Say It Out Loud

**A/N: I'm baaack again with this story! :D It's fun to write, I dunno why because it's like, almost _just_ like my other one, only more mature I think in a way. I dunno, I could be completely wrong. Anyway, hoping that you're enjoying this, even if it is random and kind of without a plot. Okay, so there's a plot in there somewhere I just gotta dig it out under all the fluffy-ness. Ahhaahhaha -shot- **

**Disclaimer: I don't own them! Don't rub it in D; -cries in corner-  
**

**And thank you to my first reviewer, _THEendOFtheRAINBOW_. You make me smile! :D **

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_Chapter II: I'll Say It Out Loud_

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I wouldn't think staring someone down could be so hard, until I met a certain redhead. How much did I want to practically rip the man's head off? How much did I yearn to see him screaming in pain or lying dead on the ground? How I wished that I wasn't even on the same _planet_ as the cretin. And for _what_? For having those piecing green eyes or that fiery red hair? For smirking that way that it made my heart stop, rewind, then restart all over again? For being so damn _tall_? How about for just living? That seemed like a good enough reason. I hated the man for being alive.

I swallowed the spit that clung to my mouth, my throat feeling dry even though I'd just chugged a whole can of Root Beer in less than 10 seconds flat. My eyes seemed to want to drift, to wander away from my main object of attention. Of course they wanted to drift! Why was I even taking my time to look at the redhead? It made no sense. I should have been ignoring him, should have completely and utterly shut him out from everything. But _why_…? All he'd done was turn around and smile at me from his spot on the sofa. Okay, no, it was hardly a smile. More like a cheeky grin. A cheeky fucking bastard grin.

God.

Anger.

I needed to control this; all that time in therapy had done at least a _little _something, hadn't it? I'm not a completely lost cause, am I?

I really shouldn't answer that, seeing as how I'm asking _myself_ and not someone _else _like an _insane_ person. I need some Aspirin…

I let out a small sigh and descended from my chair at the little kitchen table. Everything here seemed so small; I really wasn't used to it. My house, my _father's_ house, was practically a mansion. Not that I cared either way, I probably would have, if given the choice, chosen an apartment like this one rather than the spacious and empty house I called home. My mind overflowed again with questions as to why I was thrown into an apartment with what looked like a college student. Wouldn't it have been better to put me somewhere with an appropriate adult? Someone who at least…_looked_ like they knew what they were doing?

It hit me then that my father probably planned it out this way. He hardly cared about me anymore and I hardly cared about _him_. He really had no reason _not_ to put me anywhere he pleased. It probably should have ticked me off further, but the thought only made my heart heavier. The realization finally made me comprehend that I was alone in the world, and it practically made me want to curl into a ball and never come out. It made me want to throw up. Made me want to run away. Made me want to throw myself out a window. There really wasn't anyone left in the world to care about poor little broken Roxas, was there?

I silently grabbed the blue plate and empty can from the table, no traces of pizza left on the plate or in the box, and headed over towards the sink. Maybe it was out of habit that I washed the dish off then placed it into the washer, tossing the can into the recycle bin that was placed obviously under the sink, or it could have just been to distract myself from my horrible thoughts. Either way, I really didn't mind cleaning up. I'd done it for the past few months only because there really wasn't anything else _to_ do. I'd clean my room or entertain myself by cooking, learning new recipes out of my old cook books. The over expensive kitchen back at the mansion had become almost like my second room. I looked up from the running water under my hands and almost smiled, thinking of how small this one was compared to the other. Would I still want to cook even if this kitchen wasn't mine?

I shut off the running water quickly and hesitated, looking around for a towel to dry my hands. Seeing nothing around, I opted on using my jeans. It was quiet then besides for the ever present sounds of the TV flicking in the background. I wished for a second that the redhead would just turn the damn thing off and talk to me. My eyes narrowed at my own comment and I took it back in an instant.

Now was not the time for wishes. I had to execute my plan. I'd been mulling it over in my head as I had scarffed down the five pieces of pizza. Now, with my stomach full and my mind slightly sane, I could easily retreat to the room I'd been assigned to and drift off into dream land. Perhaps I'd even forget about the redhead when I woke up. Maybe this was all some kind of weird, messed up dream – I just hadn't realized it yet. I needed more sleep. I needed to know what was real and what wasn't.

Though apparently my tiptoeing wasn't soft enough. Either that or the man had taken his glued eyes off the television for a few moments to actually address me.

"Wait up, kid."

Plan A – failure.

Damn it, I hadn't _thought_ of a plan B yet!

A weird chill crept up my spine as he spoke. I didn't like it but I didn't hate it. The confusing sensation only made me loathe the man all the more.

I measured the distance between me and the door. It was only about two or three feet out of reach, I could just pretend I didn't hear him, run in and that would be that. I took one step further.

"Hey Barbie, you hear me?" And there was that nickname again. I ground my teeth together in my mouth tightly, sensing anger and rage growing in my gut. I swear if he called me that one more time I would personally grab him by his hair and toss his ass out the window and into the damn ocean.

I don't know what made me turn; it could have been my anger swelling or just nerves. Whatever it was the redhead only smirked further at me. He just kept adding to the fire, didn't he? His hand suddenly came up and he patted the space on the couch beside him a few times, gesturing me to join.

Oh sure, when_ hell_ freezes over.

I turned back around and headed for the door, ignoring the voice in my head that told me to just go sit down with him.

What could happen? It'd be fine. He only wants to talk.

Yea, that and he wants to piss me off.

I slammed the door before I could change my mind.

______________

_"What did you get for number four?" _

_"Hell if I know man, this stuff is so confusing." _

_I sighed as I reached over the table and snatched the homework from under his nose. Unsurprisingly, nothing was done. Just how Hayner liked it. _

_"You know, I could call you and idiot and kick you out of my house for not even attempting to do this. What part of 'group project' don't you understand?" I asked, waving the piece of parchment around in the air._

_Hayner gaped at me. "What?! How can I help when it doesn't even make any sense?!" he shouted, throwing his hands up dramatically. _

_I smiled as I let out a small laugh which calmed my friend down, but not enough. "Alright," I said finally, placing the paper back down onto the coffee table, "so I'll help you. But I swear if you make me do the whole thing by myself I'm tossing your ass out the door and you'll have to go running to Olette." _

_Hayner cringed when I mentioned his former girlfriend. They'd been on and off for awhile now, dating when it seemed fit for both of them, I really had no idea how or why they did it. Couldn't they just choose what they wanted? _

_"Don't even get me started, that woman terrifies me," Hayner groaned, leaning back on the couch. His eyes always seemed to drift a little further away when I mentioned the girl's name _–_ I knew he thought about her a lot. I just wished they could figure something out already._

_"She's not all that bad, dude. I mean, what was it this time?" Hayner frowned at me but I continued on, "You flirted with another girl in the hall and she saw you, of course she's going to be mad about_—_"_

_"I was not flirting with her! I was asking about our Bio homework and Olette just happened to be passing by! God, you sound just like her, saying she has every right to be pissed about it. She has every right to go fall into a ditch for all I care." Hayner huffed and crossed his arms on his chest, supporting a very pouty look. _

_I only shook my head at him, smiling even at the severity of his voice. Of course he was still moody old Hayner. Nothing could change that. Nothing ever would. _

______________

"Rise and shine."

That voice was either the most soothing and melodic voice I'd ever heard, or it belonged to a redhead. And seeing as if it was the latter, it couldn't possibly be soothing or anywhere near that. For two reason. One, because it was a redhead. And two, because it was waking me up.

Don't ever wake me up. _Period_.

I remained still, the threads of my conscious intertwining again with sleep mode. Just a few more seconds and I'd be back to dreaming…

"Hey, it's past twelve o' clock. Doctor's orders are for you to wake up at noon every day. Might wanna get up now before I have to make you."

His sinisterly annoying perfectly beautiful and blissfully seducing voice had me cringing on the inside and most likely on the outside too. I was just barley awake enough to register these feelings and emotions. No one should have to deal with this in the morning. No one should have to deal with a _redhead_ either.

"Go _away_," I managed to mumble as I threw the blankets and covers back over my head, temporarily concealing me from the man.

"You can't get rid of me that easily." And before I knew it the sheets were suddenly pulled back down, only further this time, causing me to shiver my ass off and glare at him piercingly. Just what was his problem anyway?! Couldn't he just leave me alone?

"Nice jammies." Was what apparently came to his thick mind.

I didn't take my eyes off of him but I regarded my outfit. A white wife beater and blue and white polka dotted flannel shorts. I'd noticed, when I'd retreated back into the confines of my assigned room, that all of my clothes and belongings had been transferred here, almost like I'd already moved in and was living with the damned redhead. It practically made me want to puke my guts out, but I'd been happy nonetheless that I had new clothes to change into and all my things were with me, safe and sound. They'd brought over my Playstation 2 and all my games, along with the movies I'd collected over the years. All of my jewelry and books where here as well. It almost made me a little happier that some of the old part of me was here, not just the screwed up Roxas that existed now a days.

After awhile of me saying nothing to his stupid comment, he only smiled and played with his lip ring. "Take a shower if you want – the bathrooms down the hall and to the left." He retreated slowly after that, his lean frame filling almost the length of the door before it closed behind him.

I let out a held in sigh when I knew he was gone. The thought of a shower had me up and ready in seconds, if I hadn't felt so gross I would have just went back to sleep. I quickly made my way over to the dresser and pulled out one of my favorite, light blue shirts and some brown cargo shorts to wear. I didn't hesitate as much as I had last night when I approached the door, most likely because I wasn't going to have to be anywhere near the man. All I had to do was turn down the hallway that was to my right and find the bathroom he had mentioned. Though, when I exited the room, I couldn't help but notice the grin on his stupid face from his spot on the couch. I really hated that.

Surprisingly, I made it to the bathroom with ease and slipped into the small shower as quick as possible. I lingered there, standing peacefully in the tub as the water fell over me, cleansing my body. I skillfully ignored the pain that shot up through my arms from my wrists, it wasn't anything I hadn't dealt with before. The water, the heat, the purity, it felt so good I almost forgot my troubles for a moment. I almost forgot that I was a complete and utter failure in life. I almost forgot about all the mistakes I had made and the pain that I had put others through regarding those mistakes. I almost forgot about my past and what I'd done.

Almost.

After about half an hour in the shower, I dried off and dressed myself. I tried my best to avoid the mirror in the room, but that didn't work for long. I found myself staring back at my cold, hard reflection. I kind of looked like I'd just been hit by a bus. Tired, dead, lifeless, and dull. My once bright, spiky blond hair had lost its former shine and now just lay limp atop my head. Blue eyes weren't so blue anymore – they were a lot murkier then they had been a couple of months ago. I was thin, thinner than I'd hoped I'd be. Being so short I really should have had more fat on me. Really, all I was was a shell. A shell of the person I used to be. It hurt to look at myself anymore. That's why I'd broken all the mirrors I'd come across. It was hard to hold myself back from smashing this one in, but thoughts of the problems that would cause stopped me in my tracks. I didn't need a bloody fist or a troubled redhead.

I turned towards the door and retreated out of the room without a backwards glance. The apartment was quiet, almost too quiet. I would have guessed that the redhead would be watching some TV show like he always was. Never did I expect to see him sitting on my bed, legs crossed, with one of my Playstation controllers in his hands, tongue sticking slightly out of the side of his mouth, a concentrated expression over taking his normally cocky features. I blinked a few times to make sure I wasn't just having some kind of episode. When I opened them again he was still there, toiling away on the video game.

I was a little more than shocked – I didn't know what to do.

His eyes suddenly averted from the screen and to me, a smile forming over his lips. "Have a nice shower?"

I squirmed in the spotlight, his eyes not once leaving me I noticed he had put the game on pause. I didn't want to talk, I just knew if I spoke I'd lose my temper and yell or tell him to get the hell out, so I nodded slowly instead.

"Sweet, wanna play?"

This guy really _is_ a kid.

**xXx**

"How old are you?" I'd been sitting on the bed for almost an hour now, the farthest away from the redhead that the queen sized bed would allow. I actually didn't mind playing Grand Theft Auto with him, it was something to do at least and his focus wasn't on me for once. It was distracting and that's all I needed. The question just suddenly seemed to bubble up from my lips while I played, mindlessly shooting cops and pedestrians on the sidewalks. This game was pretty much amazing.

A small science wafted by before he answered, "I'm 21 years old."

I didn't look at him, didn't even acknowledge him, but just kept on playing. I could almost _feel_ the smirk in his words as he asked, "And you?"

My eyes narrowed as I hijacked a car and began driving around. I was confused – Why would he ask me that? Didn't he know practically everything about me? They didn't even tell him my _age_?

"17," I answered him anyway; there was no need for an argument.

A small laugh encircled me and I only glared at the flashing TV screen further. So…he was older than me – that much I had predicted, but only by four years. That was hardly anything to be bragging or laughing about. Besides, I would be turning 18 in a couple of months; soon I'd be a legal adult. We'll see who'll be laughing then.

"You're pretty good at this," he said suddenly, watching as I violently beat up an old woman.

I couldn't help but smirk slightly. I always _was_ good at video games; I used to play constantly with my friends. The past few months of having nothing to do were spent playing different games as well – I always found them stimulating.

"I didn't think you could be so…_sadistic_," the redhead laughed and I pressed the start button on the controller.

"It's only a game," I said flatly. Choosing to not get angry about his comment, I shifted myself from the bed and leaned over towards the system and shut it off. I was getting bored and hungry. Might as well go raid the guy's fridge.

The redhead, taking note of my movements, placed the controller down beside the Playstation and stood up from the bed. I sighed inwardly at the thought of him following me around like a dog. I really didn't need an escort.

"Where're you going?" he asked, somewhat intrigued.

"Food," I snapped.

He huffed and his footsteps followed me to the door. "What are you hungry for?"

I walked slowly out the door and into the kitchen, the redhead still tagging along. "I don't care – anything," I said while I shifted through the cupboards. I felt almost comfortable looking for food, almost like I was back at my home, searching around the kitchen to quiet my stomach.

My eyes lit up when I found an unopened box of pancake mix. I was still amazed that something little like this could make me almost – _happy_. I grabbed it and set it on the counter then searched through the fridge, pulling out eggs and butter, frowning when I saw there was no syrup or whipped cream. Those were always my favorite. There was no bacon or meat either that I could see, so I gave up on that and hunted for some bowls and other utensils. All the while I could feel the stare behind me, but I paid it no heed. He could watch me if he wanted, but it wasn't my fault when he got bored.

I began to follow the instructions on the pancake box while I cracked an egg and let it sizzle in a frying pan. I'd made pancakes and eggs so many times I hardly had to think as I prepared them. In no time at all they were all ready to flip and soon I grabbed two plates (might as well feed the redhead) and placed an even amount on both before turning to the table. That's where he was, arms crossed on his chest, watching me with an almost confused, yet_ impressed_ look on his face. I avoided his eyes and set the plates down, the steam filling my nose and tempting my hunger. I ran back to the kitchen quickly to get two cups, forks and knives. I filled both the cups with orange juice and I was back at the table in seconds. Silently, I placed a cup and silver wear in front of the man before digging into my plate.

The pancakes were pretty good, not my best but good nonetheless. The eggs were fluffy and crisp, filling my stomach up to the brim with their yellowy goodness. It was nice to have my home cooking; at least I was good at _something_.

About halfway through my plate, the redhead had finally decided to pick up his fork and knife and began to eat. He looked happy, from where I sat, happy yet skeptical. What had he been afraid of? It's not like I poisoned the stuff…

"This…is really good."

I looked up and into his green eyes, seeming truthful and sincere. They captivated me for a moment so I quickly forced myself to look away and keep eating. I kept quiet, taking the compliment as just something that was meant to be said. Whenever someone makes something, you have to lie and tell them that it tastes perfect even if it doesn't or risk hurting feelings. Though I couldn't argue with him – I was a decent cook.

I finished eating and cleaned up my dishes, washing them before placing them in the dishwasher as I had yesterday. I then sighed and decided on heading back into my room, there really wasn't anything else to do.

"Hey, hold on there, Barbie." I felt a gentle pull at the bottom on my shirt but I hardly realized it, all that floated around in my head was that nickname. He was doing alright for a little while. Why couldn't he just be his annoying, red-haired self and call it a day?

"Why…the _hell_…do you call me that?" I asked through clenched teeth.

He laughed behind me and my eyes narrowed at the TV in the living room, the only thing I could focus on. Besides, I needed to focus, I had to calm down. "Dunno, just seemed fitting, don't you think?"

Fitting? How the hell was that the _least_ bit fitting? Did I _look_ like a fucking plastic doll with big boobs and long blond hair?

The redhead continued, almost sounding like he was enjoying himself, "The way you stare out into space all the time, how you're kind of oblivious to everything around you. You've got the hair too. Can't deny it, shortstuff."

I groaned out loud and turned around to face him. He was smiling, as if this was all a big joke to him, which it most likely was. My anger only flared higher at that. "Don't call me that anymore." My tone even had _me _flinching. It didn't seem to affect him though. I really questioned this man's demeanor at times.

He grinned, clearly amused. "How about…Roxy then?" His smile turned into a sneer, his sharp K-9 teeth glinting, causing him to look wolfish.

My eyes narrowed and the skin on my cheek twitched from the pressure. "Roxas. My damn name is _Roxas_." My voice rose at the end, I was just glad it hadn't cracked yet.

The redhead silently held his hands up in front of his chest as if to hold back my temper from reaching him and tearing him apart. His gesture seemed to calm me down a little bit, making me realize that this guy really wasn't worth my time. He was neither my friend nor my family – no one_ said_ that I had to get along with him. Besides, he'd made it pretty clear that we couldn't possibly be friends. Not that I needed any. I was fine on my own. No one for me to hurt and no one to hurt me.

I frowned when he sighed, the small smile still hanging on his lips. "Alright, how about we start over, hm?"

My eyes widened for a moment before they resumed their narrowed glare. Just what was he up to?

The redhead cleared his throat and brushed off nonexistent dirt from his black buttoned shirt. Soon after, his hand rose up, filling the gap between us, evidently meaning for me to shake it. I felt the need to back away, but didn't for some odd reason I couldn't explain. Obviously this was an awkward situation and obviously I didn't need this right now. So why the hell was I still _standing_ here?

"My name is Axel and I'm pleased to meet you."

I heaved a sigh, the awkwardness settling in. Well, I might as well make it even worse; no one was holding me back. "My name is Roxas and I don't give a shit."

At that I turned around and casually walked away, smirking inside for how idiosyncratic I was being. They didn't call me the troubled child for nothing.

I halted abruptly when a long arm extended out in front of me, slamming into the wall beside me. It was cutting me off from entering my room, my feet just inches from the door.

He was just _itching_ for this, wasn't he? Did he _enjoy_ my anger?

"Quirky, aren't we?" his smooth voice from above me said. My eyes stayed focused on the closed door out in front of me, not feeling the need to tilt my head up to see his features. They were most likely pulled into that sneer or that idiotic cocky grin.

"Only around you it seems," I shot back, rolling my shoulders. Which really wasn't a_ complete_ lie. It'd been awhile since I'd had to have this many comebacks up my sleeve. Usually, I only dealt with doctors or therapists, using the same old phrases and expressions over and over again. This guy just really seemed to…push my buttons.

A strange but cute laugh escaped his lips, causing my heart to thud in my chest. "Does that mean I'm special?"

At that point I really just want to rip his arm off so I could get into the fucking _room _already, but I had to at least say _something_ to that. I couldn't just leave his phrase hanging in the air. I almost smirked before I said, "Specially _inept_, perhaps."

His loud sardonic laugh had me questioning his sanity as well. This guy was so full of surprises; it almost made me dizzy just thinking about it. My heart suddenly stopped its beating for a moment when long, warm fingers pinched the end of my nose, sending all the blood in my body to my cheeks. "Oh, but just not as inept as you."

Knowing now that my face was practically the color of a strawberry, I swatter his hand away violently and pushed my way past his long strong arm and into the confines of my room. Before the man could do anything about it, I slammed the door in his face, loudly enough to leave a ringing in my ears. His laugh could still be heard outside the door as I grasped the knob and searched for the lock. I was surprised to see it didn't have one.

"Awe, c'mon Barbie, open up."

My heart raced in my chest as I just now realized what it meant for this door to not even have a lock. My old rooms _all_ had locks on them. Every single one. I'd lock myself up for day sometimes, not eating, not sleeping, just loving the peace it brought to know that I couldn't hurt anyone in a closed off space. Actually _enjoying_ the confinement, the feeling of being caged – that way I couldn't wreak havoc everywhere I turned.

But this room had nothing. I could never fully be alone anymore. What if I did something horrible again? I could hurt someone. I could ruin a family. I could destroy a bond. I could sever a tie. I wouldn't be able to just lock myself up anymore. And that scared me.

I fell to my knees, my hands trembling on the wooden door. I tried to hold myself together, but the thoughts were just eating me _alive_. I should never be allowed out of this room. I should be locked up somewhere for the rest of my life so I can't cause any more trouble.

"Hey…are you alright in there?"

The redhead's voice just barely made it to my ears, but my mind couldn't exactly comprehend what had been said. It was too busy being clouded with thoughts and fears that I had a hard enough time keeping myself from breaking into hysterical sobs.

"…I'm coming in."

I'd heard that. And I feared it. He couldn't see me like this. _No one_ should see me like this. When people saw me in this state, when people saw me like_ this_, all I got was that look. That damned _look_. The one that said,

_"Oh you poor thing, let me try to make it better by faking that I care about you. Let me smother you with fake love and fake words, fake smiles and fake tears. Let me lie to you by telling you that everything will be okay. Let me try to help you." _

I. Hated. That. Look.

And I'd do anything to not receive it.

The handle suddenly jiggled, causing my eyes to avert towards it, my palms starting to sweat on the frame of the door. It hadn't even been opened before I applied pressure to it, pushing my whole _being_ onto the surface, hoping to god that the redhead wasn't some kind of skinny body builder.

I heard a small grunt from outside the door, calming me down at the fact that I was strong enough to hold him back at least. More pushing from the other side and another grunt. This little door fight had almost taken my mind off the fact that I was breaking down inside.

"Roxas…" My name came out of those lips and I melted on the spot. My eyes widened and my breathing hitched. It was the first time he'd actually addressed me correctly. The first time I heard _my name_ coming from him. And for some reason, it almost had me squealing out loud like a dammed _girl_.

Okay, it just wasn't _fair_! His voice was too angelic – too _perfect_ to not have that effect. _Anyone_ would have said the same thing about it.

My grip slipped from the door and for the smallest moment I lost control of my limbs. In that moment, the door jerked open, hitting my hip painfully. I let out a small whimper at the sudden burst of pain but quickly shot up from the ground, my legs wobbling underneath me, trying their hardest to keep me steady.

The stare I got from the man wasn't exactly the one I had been dreading, which I was utterly _grateful_ for. It was more…slightly concerned and confused. I'd gotten those ones before too, but not as often. At least it didn't make me want to scream at the top of my lungs.

His eyes roamed my body, blinking a couple of times before he noticed the hand at my side, subconsciously rubbing away the pain that erupted there.

"Oh…shit, I'm sorry about that." He lifted his arm up slightly, but put it back down when I shook my head.

"Please, just leave me alone." My voice was raspy, pitchy and shaky. Again I wished the redhead didn't have to see me like this.

His features contorted slowly and I feared the look. I begged not to get it. I pleaded him inside my mind, wishing, _hoping_ that he could somehow hear me.

_Please, please, __**please**__, don't look at me that way. _

With my eyes glued to the redhead, he took one small step forward, then another, and another until he was so close that his scent filled my nose. Mmmm…it was almost like…cinnamon and vanilla. No…maybe it was caramel and mocha? Burnt sugar perhaps? I couldn't tell exactly – maybe it was all of those combined. I caught a hint of tobacco on him too which only added to the fact that this smell – this, aroma was almost…_addicting_. I suddenly craved more, I wanted more of it. I craved for it to linger forever in my senses.

Was I leaning forward? Oh I hope not.

A hand came up in my peripheral vision but I didn't fear it, I was too intoxicated by his warm fragrance that I could hardly remember why I was standing there in the first place anymore. My mind was clouded; blocking out any irrational or _rational_ thoughts it could come up with. The only thing that existed at that moment was _him_. Him and his goddamn amazing smell.

Only did I exit my stupor when that hand was placed on my head. It buried its fingers deep in my hair, making a small swirling motion and the butterflies erupt in my stomach. I licked my suddenly dry lips when his head came down to my level, emerald eyes glinting in the sunlight from the small window. From this angle, his teardrop tattoos seemed to accent his features perfectly, adding to his beauty and his flawless appearance. They actually didn't look that bad on him, seeing as how they were tattooed onto his _face_. They almost…completed his look. Completed _him_.

I didn't even have the time to curse him for being so much taller than me before he threw me a smile. No, not the one he gave when he was joking around, not even the one that graced his lips when his ego took over. No…this one was…_different_. I actually…really_ liked_ it. It made me feel warm. Made me almost believe, for more than a few seconds, that there was one person on the planet who slightly_ cared_ for me. It didn't even have to be that much, no, just a tiny bit was all I needed. That was all I craved. I longed for the slightest bit of adoration. For kindness. For _love_.

Wait…_what_?

"There's something you should know about me," the redhead started suddenly, his voice husky, the perfectly warm and inducing smile covering his face. My heart gave a small leap when he spoke again, his breath ghosting over my senses. And that _too_, was oh so damn _addicting_. "I'm pretty perseverant."

I was about to ask him what he meant by that but he continued without any probing. "Meaning…I won't give up on you."

And at that moment, I passed out, his words echoing in my ears way after I'd lost consciousness.

______________

_"Just leave me alone."_

"_No, I won't give up on you."A quick pause and a narrowed look. "Why are you being so difficult about this?" _

_"I could ask you the same thing."_

_"I'm not the one being difficult here!" _

_"Oh, you're not? Because last I checked you wouldn't leave me alone when I asked you to. I'm pretty sure that scores on the 'difficult' list." _

_A disheveled grunt. "Yea well, if you weren't being so standoffish and moody then maybe—"_

_"If you weren't being so persistent, then there wouldn't even be a problem here." _

_Hayner smoothed down his jacket, even though there were no wrinkles there. I guessed he did it to just calm himself down before he spoke. There was no need to get into a fight in the hallway, even I knew that. "Look, I'm not asking you to save a third world country; I'm just asking if you'd hang out with us." _

_I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers. This had been going on long enough; it'd been a week already and I had unsuccessfully avoided the dirty blond almost every single day. After every class he or one of his little friends (which were growing in number by the day) would ask me to hang out, ask me to come over, or ask if I needed help with my school work. I guess that was the problem with going to such a small school. Everyone had to be friends with the new kid, huh? Maybe I really should just give in. How bad could it be, really? A few friends to hang out with on the weekends, maybe help with homework if I was falling behind. Friends could be a good thing, couldn't they? And mom was always pestering me about that, saying,_

_"Go find yourself some good friends, Roxas. You'll be glad when you do – life is so much better when you have someone to share it with." _

_I had never really thought about her saying that until then. Maybe I really __**did**__ need someone more than my mother and father to care about. Maybe I needed someone to put my trust in, someone besides family. Someone I could talk to about personal things and not feel embarrassed or frightened to do so. Okay…so I needed a friend, or two. _

_I heaved a sigh before answering Hayner with one of my rare smiles, "Alright, I give in. I'll be your friend." _

______________

I moaned, wishing the sun had a light switch; it was shining _right_ in my eyes. With a heavy sigh and a clouded mind, I turned onto my stomach as to block out the evil rays of sunlight coming through the evil window. I knew, after a few minutes of laying there with my face down in the pillow, that I wasn't going to get back to sleep, even if I _was _extremely exhausted. So I slowly slumped off the slightly unfamiliar bed and quietly placed my feet onto the soft carpet beneath. The window just to my left showed the setting sun over the waters of the sea. It covered the vast body of water in an orangey-red glow, giving the room the same kind of shine to it. It was kind of serene.

I closed my eyes and silently replayed my dream sequence in my head, remembering only a few small parts of it. It was with him again, it was almost always with him. Either him or my…

I coughed, my throat closing up on me even though I wasn't saying anything out loud. I couldn't make myself remember those dreams – that only made it worse. No, I had to focus on other things when I was awake. Only when I was sleeping could I really fully appreciate them. Only then could I bask in the pure blissfulness that they brought me. When I woke…I then realized that they were nothing but what they really were.

Dreams. And nothing more.

A loud knock on the door almost made me fall back onto the bed. I righted myself in an instant, leaning against the wall while I glared at the door. I was too groggy for this; couldn't he just leave me alone for a little bit longer?

"Hey…can I come in?"

I sighed gently and nodded, not even realizing that he wouldn't be able to see the gesture until he _did_ come in, so it kind of defeated the purpose.

The door creaked open even though I had said nothing and then I saw him. And for some reason…I felt…_better_. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders just at the sight of his flaming red hair. His jade eyes seemed to fill my heart with life again, his smile fueled my soul.

And since when had I turned into a damn _fortune_ cookie?

"Morning. Or should I say evening? You slept for almost eight hours straight." He laughed gently, filling the room with his vibrant light. Was it really the sun setting this all off, or could it have been the redhead? I wasn't really sure. "At least you won't have to worry about insomnia." He finished with a smile, stopping only a few feet away from me. Something pushed me to fill that void between the two of us. Something told me it should be done – there wasn't _meant_ to be emptiness there.

But then I realized that was only the sleep talking. If I hadn't been so dazed, these thoughts would have never crossed my mind. I shook my head, hoping that I would regain some control over it soon before I went completely _insane_. I rubbed one of my eyes with the knuckles of my hand, trying to rid myself of the sleep that still clung to them. I then yawned widely, stretching my other arm high into the air. Had I really slept that long? I must have. But I was still so damn _tired_…

A small but distinguishable laugh sounded from the redhead above me. I blinked my tired eyes and tried to focus on him. He was still smiling, maybe even more thoughtful this time as he stared at me. I finally got weary of his snickering so I asked, "What?"

He shook his head slightly, his long red spikes swishing around atop his head. The sunlight shone over his perfectly shaped face, giving him an even fierier look than normal. When he finally answered I was just about to fall back onto the bed from the sleepiness. "The way you rub your eyes like that, it's kind of cute. Makes you look like a cat."

I blinked lazily at him, wondering if he had really said that or if it was just the sleep interfering once again. My mind decided to ignore it when I collapsed once again onto the soft bed. I let out a long, content sigh into the soft blankets and pillows, feeling more at home than ever, even though these sheets smelled nothing like the ones back home.

"Ah ah ah…" I heard him scold me from above, "This much sleep really isn't good for you, just makes you even more tired. C'mon kitty, get up."

I shook my head, mumbling a retort, my head burying into the warm comforter further. It felt so good. So _nice_. I couldn't pass this up. Just let me sleep for five more minutes…

"Roxas…you've gotta get up, alright?"

He…he said my name again. Oh how amazing it sounded coming from him. How utterly perfect his voice curved around every syllable in the simple name. It was too wonderful to comprehend. It shouldn't even belong to someone as lowly as me when said like that. Please say it again…

"Roxaaaas…" A slight tap on my shoulder.

Mmmm…again…

"Hey, come on, I'm not going to ask nicely anymore."

"Say it again…" Had I really just said that out loud?

There was silence for a moment and I wished so desperately for it to be filled with my name coming from his lips.

"…Say…_what _again?"

"My name," I replied quickly, turning over onto my side so he could hear me better. Unconsciousness was slowly taking its toll on me. Was I sleeping yet? Was this just a dream? It didn't _feel_ like one of my dreams. Besides, the redhead had never been in one of them before. Though…his voice was just too magnificent to really be _real_, that much was for certain.

My eyes were closed so I couldn't see his reaction, but I guessed it was a cross between confused and amused. "Only if you say mine."

I had the urge to smile at his little game, but refused to. I hadn't really smiled in a long time and sleep wasn't going to trick me into it. So he wanted his name for mine, eh? I really didn't see the harm or gain in that – my voice was nothing compared the lush radiance of his. Nonetheless, my sleepy mind longed to hear my name once again, if only once. So I could at least utter _his_ in return. It was only fair, right?

I took a small, short breath before his name left my lips. "…Axel." My eyes opened widely when I said this name. How come it sounded so right…? How come I shivered as soon as it touched my lips? Why was it as perfect to hear it coming from my mouth as it was mine coming from his?

Sleep left me then and my heart screamed at me, saying that this was probably one of the stupidest most embarrassing situations I'd ever put myself in.

Way to fuckin' _go_.

I wished I could die. Explode on the spot. Shatter into a thousand tiny pieces so that no one could ever put me back together again. Never before had I wanted to disappear so _badly_. Okay, so that wasn't true, but had I ever in my life been this embarrassed before? I didn't _get_ embarrassed for god's sake! I hardly ever blushed, I hardly ever felt uncomfortable, and I had always kept my cool in most situations. Sure, I could be pretty touchy when I was sent to the hospital and sure I had yelled and screamed and lost my temper with the nurses before. But…embarrassed? Self-conscious? …Never.

This was all so new to me. So crazy and scary.

So why was there this feeling deep inside of me, telling me that I should be enjoying this? That I should actually _like_ this weird fluttery feeling I received. It should feel…good.

But as I looked up into his gleaming green eyes, my cheeks filling to the brim with warm, heated blood, I pretty much was back at square one.

Someone. Please. _Kill me._

_

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**A/N: Like, is it just me or is Olette one of the _weirdest_ names in the history of weird names? Just me? Damn, I like JUST noticed that for some reason if you look at it for a few minutes...it looks like some kind of alien name o_O Ohhh goodness, I'm tired. ANYWAY! So whatcha think? Yea I know Roxas doesn't call Axel "Axel" throughout the whole thing but that is going to change, don't worry. I just had to get the whole "saying his name" scene out of the way before I did. Don't ask me about my tactics, I won't explain them and you will never be as cool as me. -nods- **

**If you're getting annoyed by me you should prolly just stop reading this! D: **

**Eh, review because you know I'll love you if you do. I'll still love you if you don't though. Just know that I will stalk your house at night and eat all your marshmellows. **


	3. The Conspiracy Of Seeds

**A/N: Hey guys! I am back! :D My internet is down at the moment, so my best friend is putting this up for me on her computer. I won't be able to reply to any reviews until I get it back up and running again but I want to thank all of my new reviewers! You guys really give me motivation and you're great! :D**

**Awesome reviewers: _Khuronji_ , _Sola et Lacrymosa_ , _Moofin_**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, no. I don't own them. Seriously, I don't. **

**OH! And happy AkuRoku day everyone! –throws confetti in your face- **

**Thanks again! Now get to reading! :D **

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_Chapter III: The Conspiracy Of Seeds_

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"Get out."

"…Roxas—"

"Now! Get out _now_!" I wished my heart would slow down, I wished my face wasn't so hot. I wished he would just _listen_ to me this _one_ time.

Quickly, almost without thinking, I grabbed a pillow and shoved it over my inflamed face. Darkness encompassed me, causing me to calm down a bit. All I had to do was pretend – pretend this wasn't happening. Pretend I was alone again like I'd been for months now. I just had to pretend this was all a dream.

And it was working, until the pillow was suddenly tugged away. I gasped loudly and held onto it tighter, trying my hardest to keep my face covered, keep me out of reach, keep me _safe_. He yanked the cushion again, obviously not listening to my former pleas. Why did he have to be so difficult about this? Why couldn't he just leave me alone?

_"I won't give up on you." _

I froze when light hit me again, the sun was still setting, soon it would be completely downcast. I hoped it would take me with it.

"Why are you trying to hide?" I didn't look at him, I couldn't. The embarrassment was too much to handle at this point. I never knew my heart could beat this _fast_. Wouldn't it break down if put under so much pressure? Well, there was another thing to wish for.

"Roxas…"

Don't say my_ stupid_ name anymore. I never want to hear it ever again for the rest of my life. I've had enough.

Without hesitation, I threw my lean legs over the side of the bed and proceeded to sit up. I was dizzy, disorientated and weak, and that wasn't a surprise. I'd never had to deal with anything like this before, so of course I would be in this kind of state. Before I knew it, I was halted once again in my feeble attempt to escape the man.

I let out a low hiss when his hand clamped around my wrist. His touch seemed to burn through the white cloth. They weren't healed just yet, they still hurt. I figured then that he really _did_ enjoy my pain and anger. How had I ever thought he was the least bit caring?

"Hang on, Rox—"

"Let me go, that _hurts_!" I screamed, louder than I thought my voice could go.

His hand quickly unlatched itself from my arm and I took no time to exchange apologies. I practically ran out the door, down the hall and into the bathroom where I slammed the door none to quietly. The noise echoed off the walls of the tiny apartment, causing me to bite down hard on my lip and tears to spring from my eyes.

This was stupid. So damn _stupid_! I hadn't cried in _months_! And now that I'd made a huge fool out of myself I was allowed to just break down and cry like a little school girl? No. _NO_! I couldn't let this happen. I wouldn't!

But I did. I slid to the cold tiled floor and bawled my fucking eyes out.

**xXx**

Hunger. One of the bodies many weakness'. Also one of the things I'd never had to deal with much before. I was always well fed, albeit I was still as skinny as ever. I never had to think twice about going to fill my belly with a delicious delicacy. But now – now that I lived _here_, it seemed like this was going to be a reoccurring event in my daily life. I kept reminding myself that it was only a month. Only a month that I was on house arrest. Only a month that I _had_ to stay here. Maybe when this was over I could beg my father or the hospital for a loan and get my own place somewhere if he didn't accept me back after all this. I could get a job and start my own life. I'd go back to school and finish my senior year. Maybe go off to a college somewhere after that if I could save up the money. Try to forget my past and my many faults and just…_live_.

My mind was naive enough to think that at least. I had to have some kind of hope, didn't I?

I sighed again, wishing away the low growl in my abdomen. The last time I ate was…yesterday? No…Or was that today? I'd made pancakes…that's all I could remember. Though it seemed like that was so long ago. I needed food again. Curse my growing body.

If it _was_ still growing that is…

I grunted as I heaved myself up from the bathroom floor. I wasn't really sure how long I'd spent in there, it was kind of like back when I'd lock myself up – I lost track of time in those situations. Even if this bathroom door didn't have a lock on it either. I was just grateful that the redhead hadn't bothered me. Not even once had he knocked or tried to enter the room. Maybe he wasn't as dumb as he looked.

And then I was confronted with the same situation as before.

Facing _him_ again.

My heart said it wanted to see him another time. It longed to glance at his bright sparkling eyes and his warm smile.

Though my brain, the only _smart_ and_ logical_ part of me, told me that going out there again was a really stupid idea. Problems don't just blow over in a few hours, not things like this. He'd question me, ask me what was wrong, probe me until I spilled every last drop of sanity I had left in my feeble body. It wasn't fair that I had to be stuck with someone like him. Someone who actually felt like they had this ridiculous obligation to care about me. It really wasn't fair at all.

I wasn't exactly in the right state of mind when I left the bathroom. My hunger and thoughts were almost overtaking the fear and embarrassment. Wrapping me in this cold, empty embrace, telling me everything was going to be alright. All I had to do was pretend, after all.

Though, when I entered the living room, all I could focus on, all I could _see_, was that red hair. And again, as before, the weight of the world left my shoulders. The problems that existed in my heart were ripped away, separated from my being, left in the dust. I wondered for a moment what exactly it was about him that had this effect on me. Was it _really_ his hair that snapped me out of my inner turmoil? Maybe it was his eyes – they really _were_ amazing. But when that smile danced its way across his lips, I knew that _that_ was it. Why did it have to be so warm and comforting? So lithe and consoling? So…so…_perfect_.

I wished suddenly that he would never stop. That the smile would be forever on his face.

My eyes wandered over his body, taking him all in for the first time. Had he always been this tall? This lean and firm? It seemed as if he'd grown over the past hours…That was hardly fair at all – I could have used some of that height. My eyes lingered over his clothes, taking note of the black, collarless T-shirt that clung tightly to his skin and muscles in all the right ways. The faded blue jeans that hung low on his well defined hips, supported by a silver studded belt. A hand was gently placed on one of those hips, causing his standing style to appear free and airy. I suddenly started to subconsciously count the many earrings in his ears.

One, two, three, four…five in the left ear and…seven in the right it seemed. Then there was that one on his lip. So he had…thirteen piercings? I didn't even have _one_…

"Hey…hey Barbie, you in there?"

I blinked a few times, my eyes focusing back on him, standing there in front of me only a couple feet away. Without thinking I nodded stupidly while trying to force my eyes off of him for more than a few seconds. That wasn't working at all; they always seemed to drag themselves back to him…

"How're you feeling?" he asked with concern and if he had been anyone else, anyone like a nurse or someone back at the hospital, I would have done the same thing I'd been doing for awhile now.

Lie.

But…how could I lie to those eyes? How could I possibly utter one fib under _that_ stare?

It just wasn't possible, so, I told the truth.

"My wrists hurt…and I'm hungry…" My voice was raspy and dry. I coughed, feeling my throat constrict with pain. All that damn crying had really taken its toll on me…

His eyes lit up momentarily, taking in my dreary state. "Right, the nurse gave me some pills for you to take hang on – I'll go get them." Without another word he sprinted off into the kitchen, reaching into one of the higher cupboards, one I would have to stand on a chair to reach, and proceeded to pull out a small white container of pills.

I watched, feeling the innermost gratefulness that the nurse had at least thought to give the redhead some pain killers for me. He smiled as he walked back over to me, handing me two of the small red pills and a glass of water.

"Those should make you feel better. So what are you hungry for?"

I swallowed the pills swiftly, quickly downing the whole glass of water in seconds. It was like rain to a hot, dry desert – so refreshing.

I handed the glass back to him and he took it with no hesitance. "Every time you ask me that it will be the same answer," I replied slowly, hoping he _did_ remember just what I'd said the last time he had asked me the same thing.

He silently cocked his head to the side just a bit, one eyebrow rising, a puzzled look resting on his features. I had to hold in the girly squeal that desperately felt the need to bubble up from my throat. He was almost _cute_ when he did that…

I shook my head from side to side, ridding myself of all thoughts, and maneuvered my way around him, stepping into the kitchen. My eyes scanned the place, stopping on the fridge. I opened it and light flooded my vision. Of course, it was the same as it had been before.

Practically empty.

Just what did this guy eat all the time? Take-out every _day_? That couldn't be very healthy…

"You need to go shopping," I said over my shoulder, regarding his standing form in the archway. He was leaning against the panel, legs crossed, eyes glued to me as they had been when I cooked before. I noticed the glass was set onto the counter beside him.

He blew out some air through his nose, crossing his arms on his chest. "Yea, I was going to ask Demyx to stock me up. I can't exactly leave you here alone."

I turned back around, my eyes flowing over the small selection. "Who's Demyx?" I asked with practically no caution or no concern really. It kind of felt weird to be talking like this to him, but wouldn't silence be ever weirder? I might as well fill it with some regular conversation.

Behind me he was quiet for a moment before answering, "He's my friend, lives two doors down from here."

I hmm'ed slightly, settling on the turkey lunch meat that sat in one of the pull out drawers. I'd never much liked lunch meat, whatever kind it was, but at that moment I would have probably eaten anything. Lunch meat wasn't that bad compared to a hungry gut.

I turned and waved the meat at eye level. "Is this…?"

"It should be good. It's only like, a week old or so."

I nodded and turned towards the counter where I remembered the bread sat. Seeing as how that looked new enough too, I quickly made myself a turkey sandwich.

I spun slowly around again when I was finished preparing my meal and eyed the man again. He was still smiling which almost made me want to try one on myself. Though I knew that mine would never be as amazing as his was. Besides, I really had no reason to smile; I should never be allowed that little pleasure in life anymore anyway.

"You like turkey?" he asked me, not moving an inch from his lounged spot.

I shook my head, biting into the bread, tasting the meat soon after. The taste actually wasn't too bad, slightly sugared and spiced; the bread was soft at least.

"Then…why are you eating it?"

I shrugged and leaned myself up against the edge of the counter, trying but not trying to imitate his posture. I cursed myself when I crossed my legs out in front of me.

"I could have ordered something for you." His lower lip jutted out just the smallest bit as his eyes sinuously avoided mine for the moment.

My heart gave one loud pound in my chest then slowed back down. It frightened me for a second and then my stupid, treacherous cheeks flushed. Why was it so surprising to hear that coming from him? It was almost like he really_ did_ care about me.

But that couldn't be possible, right? He hardly knew me; he could possibly know _nothing_ about me beside my name and age. No one would even begin to care if they knew. I couldn't be fooled into thinking that someone would.

**xXx**

"Wanna watch a movie?"

I regarded him for a moment, halting in the approach to my room. It took me a few seconds to comprehend his question. He wanted to…watch a movie. With me? Why with _me_…? Wouldn't it be just as enjoyable, if not better, to just watch it alone? Why in the world would anyone in their right mind want me to join them in their cinema fun? I couldn't possibly make it any more pleasing; I'd just make it worse by falling asleep through half the movie or commenting on how horrible the acting was. Movies just weren't really my thing, not when I was with others.

"No, thanks but I—"

"Awe come _on_ Roxas, I'm bored and you're bored so we might as well…"

Okay so now he was _begging_ me. This was truly…weird. But of course, then again, this was _Axel_ I was talking to. The guy who had thrown me though more emotional loops than I'd probably ever been thrown through before in my life. The guy who made my troubles practically disintegrate in the blink of an eye. The guy who…acted like he cared about me…

That's right…he _was_ Axel. He was one of a kind – completely and utterly unpredictable.

Maybe that's what I liked about him so much…

"Okay fine." And that was me giving in to the puppy dog pout.

If I thought his smile couldn't get any more amazing, then I was wrong. He was practically _glowing_. And for what? All I said was I would watch a dang movie with him…What was the big deal?

"Awesome," he croaked, brightly shinning his sharp teeth, the way that made me wish my blood had other places to be besides my cheeks.

Before I could register than he'd moved at all, he was in the living room, frantically pulling out DVDs left and right. "What do you want to—?"

Apparently he saw my raised eyebrow and my crossed arms from across the room. If he was thinking I was going to pick he was way wrong. I was the worst movie picker _ever_.

"Alright then, I'll pick." He resumed his searching, placing a few choice ones onto the plush beige couch. I slowly meandered my way over into the living room, my eyes wandering on my way over but never once really leaving him.

I almost giggled suddenly but I stopped myself short of the action when I sat myself down onto the couch next to the few movies. Watching him rummage through the DVDs like a dog trying to find a bone, it was kind of comical. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea. It could possibly be…_fun_ to watch something with him. I could try not to be a critic and enjoy it.

"Okay so it's either Dawn of the Dead or Resident Evil." He handed me both cases, smiling.

I took them, one in each hand, pretending to evaluate them. I'd never seen either, but I had heard of them before.

Zombie movies. Who would have guessed?

"You've seen these before?" I asked, flipping one over I read the back with half lidded eyes.

He nodded, "Yup, both are pretty good. If you want crazy horror and blood and gore, then Dawn of the Dead is the way to go. Though the other one has some pretty good scenes in it too. I like them both for different reasons."

I really didn't care either way, blood and gore wasn't something that scared me easily. But the redhead just looked so_ eager_…

"This one." I handed him the case and he smirked.

"Daring tonight, huh?"

I shrugged while he turned around and situated the movie. He quickly snatched the remote from one of the side tables and then landed right next to me on the couch. I regarded our close proximity – he was only inches away from me…

"This one's good," he said as he turned to face me, a bright glow in his emerald eyes. "And if you get scared, you can always hold my hand." Could his smile _get_ any bigger…or anymore annoying?

I huffed and crossed my arms on my chest, facing the TV. It wasn't long before I heard his low chuckle and the opening credits flickered onto the screen.

**xXx**

"Think you'll be able to sleep tonight?"

I flinched when he spoke for the first time in hours. It had been a_ long_ few hours that was for sure. I don't think I'd ever seen that much blood in one sitting. Okay, so I'd never seen that much blood _period_.

But it wasn't like I was _scared_ or anything – zombies didn't frightened me and probably never would. They were highly unlikely and practically all superstition and make believe. Like the tooth fairy…or – or _elves_…

"You scared, Barbie?"

I narrowed my eyes and glared at the TV. The ending song was starting to give me a headache as were the tiny words that rolled across the screen. The redhead only added to the throbbing pain in my skull.

"No," I replied quickly, sitting myself up from the couch. My brain spun and swam in a head rush that didn't fade as quickly as I hoped it would. I stretched and yawned when my head cleared, already starting to walk towards my room. I was suddenly just so tired…movies really had that effect on me I guess.

"Where you going?" came the voice from behind me.

I held back the urge to roll my eyes. "Bed. Where else?"

"You're tired already?" He sounded disappointed, like one couldn't _possibly_ be tired this late at night and after watching a movie like that.

I only nodded on my way to the room, taking no time to turn or acknowledge him. His footfalls followed me, predictable as always. But what really caught me off guard was when he stepped in front of me, blocking me from entering my room. I blinked my sleepy eyes a few times, waiting as they refocused on him. He was smiling. Not smirking…just – _smiling_. My eyes grew less tired all of a sudden.

"Thanks."

I swallowed a mouthful of spit, almost gagging. The way he _said_ that…What the hell was _wrong_ with me? Yeah, so his voice was flawless and beautiful and the smile that rested on his face was beyond that of any supermodels'. But really, that hardly gave me the permission to act like a sexually frustrated teenager around him! He just kept catching me off guard…

"For…for what?" I don't really know how I managed to ask that, but it slipped out of my lips without much regard.

My heart jumped and fought with my ribs, begging to get out as he replied, "For tonight – thanks for watching the movie with me."

All I could manage was a short, shaky nod. This wasn't fair. This just wasn't _fair_!

"Sleep tight, Roxas," he said, placing a large hand atop my head. "I'll see you at twelve sharp."

When he walked away from me, I felt so cold. His hand had left an almost burning yet chilling sensation that stung through my whole body, from my skull all the way down to my toes. And when I heard the door to his room close shut, I collapsed to my knees. I tried to take long, slow breaths but they came out too short and unstable. My heart felt like it had finally broken down the barriers that were my ribs with all its incessant pounding and would now finally bust out of my chest. My palms were sweaty, as was my forehead. And why were my eyes _still_ trying to focus?

No…none of that mattered. The real question, the one I had been avoiding for the past few days, the one I'd never _ever _want to ask myself, was plain as day.

Do I_ like_ Axel?

Of course I did. Even if I hid behind my moodiness and short temper, I couldn't tell myself, without lying, that I didn't feel the smallest admiration for the redhead. He was kind, caring and sweet – if you got past the fact that he was a complete_ idiot_ and practically made me want to rip my hair out piece by piece every time he so much as _spoke _to me. So he had faults. Everyone does. But those faults were defiantly overpowered by his pure beauty. He was…perfect. His appearance I mean. I really wondered how anyone could be born that way – so utterly _right_. His parent's must have really been lookers.

Again, getting past the_ other_ fact that he was the personification of the word perfect, I still really didn't know my true feelings towards him. Okay, so I had to admit, I'd never been good at emotions. The only ones I was semi-good at were anger and nonchalance, if that could be considered as one. It just wasn't me. I wasn't your crazy love struck, hormone charged, run-of-the-mill teenager you saw running around your local high school, chasing all the cheerleaders. I'd had my share of relationships, don't get me wrong, it's not like I was a _total _introvert, but I never flaunted them or flirted with anyone. People came to me, that's just how it worked.

Though considering those relationships I _had_ been in, none of them really lasted. I'd had only one or two that went on for more than a month. Either I would get bored or they would. Some people would end up telling me they had only asked me out for my looks and that if they had known I was such a bored they would have never did it in the first place. I usually tried to hide my hurt feelings, which I was good at, but it always left a small little hole in my heart for weeks to come. I used to think that I'd never really find anyone to love. Which changed about three months ago, of course, that was when _everything _changed. I started going out more often; bars were usually my main attraction. I was careful not to take any drugs; I couldn't really afford to get addicted to shit like that. I did, however, get drunk on many occasions, which brought me back to the fact that I practically _lived_ at the hospital. But the hospital is off topic – where was I? Oh yea.

The one night stand game.

How many times had I played that little game in the past few months? Probably too many to count. Besides, what was the bar without someone to share it with? Whoever came to me first, won. I'd spend the rest of the night with that one person, whether it was a boy or girl, not like I cared, I swung either way if you hadn't noticed by now. I'd get close to that one person, I'd flirt all I wanted, touch all I wanted, and dance all I wanted with just them. Of course then I'd drink until I couldn't stand straight and I'd forget practically everything I'd done for the whole night. But it was fun. I _liked_ doing it. Maybe one could say that I was addicted to clubbing. Whatever it was, an addiction or an attraction, I didn't care. It was distracting and that was all I needed after all.

But the fact was that I was by far hardly skilled in the complicated ways of "courting" or anything along the lines of that.

So how could I possibly know what it was that I was feeling for Axel…?

______________

_"Hey Roxas." _

_I regarded him with a slight nod of my head, never taking my eyes off the television. I bit down into one of the soft, warm chocolate chip cookies my mom had just brought out on a plate in front of us, fresh from the oven. Of course Hayner had taken three, already on his second. He was such a pig sometimes. _

_"What are your thoughts on__ Kairi__?" _

_This time I turned to look at him, a confused glare making its way across my features. Okay so that was an out of the blue question, of course it had to have some meaning behind it. _

_"Why?" I asked, leaning back onto the couch I propped my feet up onto the glass coffee table so I could see Hayner better. _

_He seemed to avoid my eyes as he answered, "She just wanted me to ask, that's all." _

_"Uh-huh…" I let my eyes wander back towards the TV, seeing if I could get anything else out of him with the silence. Hayner never really was one for an awkward silence, he practically went insane when they rolled around._

_I smirked when I heard his voice again, "She said she likes you." _

_Bingo. And there it was. Of course, I'd been predicting __**that**__ little statement. "I thought she liked Sora," I replied slowly, snatching another cookie from the plate. _

_Hayner sighed next to me, probably not enjoying my mood. "Sora just came out of the closet." _

_I surprised myself when I burst into laughter. Even Hayner next to me seemed to jump. "Oh __**did**__ he now? I knew it was only a matter of time," I managed to say around my fits of amusement. _

_After I'd calmed down a bit Hayner continued, a smile making its way onto his face. "Yeah, so you can probably see why Kairi is upset. She said she wanted to find at least one guy who was cute and not completely gay. Of course then I had told her there was always __**me**__, but she just threw me the fact that Olette would eat her alive and left it at that." _

_I chuckled as that little scene played in my head. Olette and Kairi fighting over Hayner. Priceless. _

_"So whatdya say, Roxy old pal?" _

_I licked my lips and glanced over at him once again. His chocolate colored eyes were pleading along with his hands that were grasped tightly out in front of him; I could picture him begging like this on his knees. What a sap he was. _

_"And just what are you getting out of this in return anyway?" Of course I wouldn't expect Hayner to do something like this for free. There had to be something in it for him. _

_His lower lip stuck out slightly and his arms suddenly crossed over his chest. He stuffed another cookie in his mouth as he said, "Kairi's…doing my algebra homework…" I stared at him wide eyed when he finished, "For the whole week." _

_I was stunned for a moment but then realized – this was Hayner. I couldn't have expected anything less from him. "So basically Kairi bribed you to ask me out for her." _

_Hayner shoved another cookie into his mouth, the other one not even swallowed yet. Obviously he was feeling like a complete moron and felt the need to cover his embarrassment up with eating. "Noff exactly, sshe juss wanted to know iff you would conhsider it…" The cookies in his mouth made it a little hard to understand but I got the gist that he was just making things up to not get in trouble. How in the world had he turned out to be my best friend? _

_"Well I've considered it," I started, my eyes sliding back to the TV sinisterly, "But to tell you the truth, I just really don't like redheads." _

______________

"Time to wake up."

Please no. Anything but _him_.

"Roxas, I've already let you sleep in enough. You've gotta get up now, okay?"

Anything but his amazing voice. I just couldn't take any more of it. No, that wasn't true; I could easily listen to it all day. It was like little wisps of pure bliss. Like a little piece of heaven was awakening me, telling me it was time to face the day. Maybe this really wasn't such a bad way to wake up.

I let my eyes flicker open, revealing the bright light of another day. The ocean outside of the window was clear blue today, shining brightly like a cerulean crystal. I caught a glimpse of a few seagulls flying overhead, so free and without binds. A long sigh escaped my lips, which was more of a yawn. The outside world only seemed make me feel even more lethargic.

"Morning sleepy head."

I turned and resisted the urge to smile. There he was, standing right beside the bed. He was dressed in a green and black checkered button down polo, the sleeves were rolled up on both sides and the top few buttons were undone, showing off the smallest amount of his pale chest. Hanging on his hips were a pair of black skinny jeans, causing him to appear even leaner than usual. His long unruly hair was pulled back today in a hair tie, only a few choice spikes stuck out. He looked remarkable, to say the least.

I sat up from the blankets and sheets and scratched my head, feeling how tangled and knotted my own hair was. Great, so there he was, perfect as ever and I still looked like a train wreck.

"It's already past twelve. I really _don't_ understand how you can sleep like that."

I yawned again, freeing my eyes of crust. "Easy. I just close my eyes." He hmm'ed, slightly amused and I frowned. "Why do you have to wake me up so early all the time…?" I was still tired, dammit. And it was summer for crying out loud; didn't kids _always_ sleep in during the summer? I did at least…

He laughed without opening his mouth and I watched as the smugly wolfish grin made its way across his features. "I told you before – it's what the doctor told me to do." He stopped for a second and then continued, showing his K-9s once again, "Would you rather I get you an alarm clock?"

I instantly sat up, ignoring my pounding cranium and the bright sun in my eyes and shook my head frantically. I'd never ever want an annoying thing like that if I could have _him _instead. I was actually getting pretty used to waking up to his smiling face everyday…

Right on cue he smiled again, this time softer. "Good, because I hate those damn things."

He didn't seem to see the flush that had crept its way across my cheeks, which I was glad for. I slowly turned so that I could sit up from the bed when I noticed – I still had my clothes on.

I'd slept in them? What was_ that_ about…? I never slept in my clothes, the feeling it gave me grossed me out. I'd have never done this on purpose…

"So, why were you sleeping outside of the door last night anyway?"

Oh, so _there_ was the answer.

I must have passed out beside the door while I was…_thinking_…Who would have thought I could fall asleep right on the floor? I really was a good sleeper, no doubt about that.

"How did I get in _here_ then?" I asked out loud, more to myself then the redhead. Had I sleep walked back into the room? That was highly unlikely; sleep walking wasn't something I'd ever done in the past. So the only other answer was…

"I carried you in. I was up around two in the morning, saw you slumped on the floor there and moved you to the bed. You sleep like a freakin' _rock_."

My head tried to wrap itself around this statement. So he…picked me up…and…oh god.

How embarrassing is _that_?

I should have made it to the room and _then_ had that little discussion with myself! It could have waited until I had at _least_ gotten into the confines of the damn bedroom. But no, I had just – _collapsed _onto the floor and broke down. I can't believe I'd been so stupid…

"Hey…hey, Barbie?"

I blinked a couple of times; gnawing on the side of my lip nervously I looked at him with earnest eyes. "I'm gunna go have a smoke. I'll be on the balcony if you need me."

He was out the door before I had time to even register his comment. So obviously the whole "carrying me into my own room" thing didn't faze him as much as it did me. _Why_ did that piss me _off _so much? It didn't matter that he thought nothing of it, I shouldn't have either. It's what anyone would do, right? If you saw someone collapsed on the ground you would put them to bed. It was normal, it wasn't anything beyond that.

I still felt the need to punch him senseless though.

I decided to take a quick shower, catching a glance of red out on the balcony on my way to the bathroom. And I didn't lie – my shower actually_ was_ quick for once. Maybe I was just too annoyed to calm down.

I dressed in some plaid blue knee shorts and a baggy white T-shirt. Soon after I found myself in the kitchen, my hunger always getting the best of me. I could still see that flaming red hair through the sliding glass door. I couldn't tell if he was still smoking or not, but he was leaning out over the railing, staring off into distance it seemed. I wasn't about to interrupt him.

Until I heard a knock behind the front door, sending the plate in my hand to go crashing into the sink. I considered just standing there until the knocker went away. Maybe Axel would hear it and he'd come running over to answer it. Though that didn't seem likely when the knocking sounded again, this time with a voice attached to the end.

"Axel! Open up, man! You're damn _doughnuts_ are getting cold!"

Doughnuts? I liked doughnuts…

I don't know how I'd gotten over to the door but I opened it regardless, staring at the boy behind it with wide eyes. He was tall, like Axel, though I could tell the two had completely different tastes. This guy had a weird Mohawk/mullet thing going on, along with two very big, very _blue_ eyes staring right back at me. And apparently the guy's favorite color _was_ blue. It was the only thing he had on. He was most likely the same age as Axel was, only he seemed more childlike, it must have been the way he looked at me maybe or that quirky smile plastered on his face.

"You're…not Axel," he stated, looking me over then meeting my eyes once again. "You must be that kid he's been talking about."

I disregarded the "kid" comment and gladly took the doughnuts from his outstretched hand when he gestured them towards me. "Ax told me to go get these so I had to run all the way out to Krispy Cream just to buy the damn things. He had better thank me!"

I was too busy running the box over to the table, but I thought I saw him step into the apartment and glance around. "Where is he anyway…?"

"Demyx?"

"Speak of the devil."

The two embraced in my side vision as I shoved a pastry in my mouth.

Wait…they _what_?

I swallowed thickly when I saw exactly _what_ it was the two were doing.

Hugging.

Yea so…they were hugging, so what? Friends hug. There was no need to choke on a doughnut over it.

"So the doughnuts were for this little guy, huh?" Demyx smiled over at me and I quickly frowned and turned back towards the box. This boy was really lucky I was so hungry and my focus was on something other than anger at the moment. Or else I probably would have given him a piece of my mind, and fist.

"Yup, I thought he'd like them. Obviously I was right." That voice made me slow down my barbaric eating, knowing now that he was probably giving me that smug look. Next thing you know he'd be commenting on how I was eating like an animal.

Demyx let out a melodic laugh which filled the apartment with a weirdly, airy mood. His voice really was soft, like the strum of a guitar. "He's not much of a talker, huh?"

I quietly sat down into one of the kitchen chairs as Axel said, "Only when he's stuffing his face."

"Bastard…" I mumbled through doughy goodness.

I could almost hear him smirk when he changed the subject. "So Dem, I need you go to pick up some stuff for me and the kid. You know that I can't leave him so I'll give you some cash and you can go shopping for us."

Demyx huffed as Axel rounded the kitchen corner and brought back a small white list that I had seen just a bit earlier. I was wondering just what that was for, all those names of grocery items listed on it...

"What am I? Your _maid_?" he pouted, snatching the paper from Axel's hands anyway.

"Hey, _I_ can live off of pizza, but he can't." I saw Axel point to me with his thumb, a smile on his face as he finished, "Besides, he's a little chef."

"So you've got your own personal maid and chef now, congratulations," Demyx droned, stuffing the white slip into one of his baggy jean pockets.

"What's got _your_ panties in a bunch?"

"I'm just tired. Today was my day off of school and work and _you_ call me to go pick up doughnuts of all things…" Demyx trailed off, sounding more tired than before. I could understand his dilemma; I wouldn't want to be bothered this early by Axel on a day off either.

I munched on my second doughnut as I eyed Axel throwing an arm around the blue clad boy's shoulders. For some reason it made my insides want to churn and boil. "Well now that you're awake you can hang here," Axel said cheerfully.

No. No he can't.

"Sorry, but I've got plans," Demyx replied abruptly, worming his way out of Axel's grasp.

Axel smirked and tipped his head to the side. "Plans, huh? With _who_?"

"None of your damn business."

"Demyx, that's hardly fair."

"Who ever said I was fair?"

"I'm never waking _you _up again. I wouldn't have even asked if I'd known you'd be so pissy about it afterwards."

Demyx stuck his tongue out of his mouth like a 2-year-old and stepped back to the door. "Just be thankful I'm going shopping for you!" he yelled as he exited through the door. His footsteps echoed off the outside hallway and then he was gone.

Well that was certainly…interesting.

Suddenly I wasn't that hungry anymore.

I placed the half eaten pastry into the fold up box and sat up from the table.

"And just where are you going?"

"Back to sleep," I answered quietly, already knowing what his answer to that would be.

"No you're not."

Yeah, I figured as much. Too bad he couldn't stop me.

When I walked through the door I attempted to close it shut but he was already blocking that from happening, so I just meandered on over to the bed and plopped myself down. Of course I wasn't planning on falling asleep in my clothes, but I could just lay here until he gave up then I'd change.

"Roxas…you know you can't go back to sleep."

I could if I wanted to. It's not like there were any doctors _here_ to yell at me. Besides, I've dealt with them yelling at me before. It wasn't anything I couldn't handle.

"Hey are you…mad at me or something?"

Wow, he caught on kind of fast. How did he notice that? Not that I _was_ mad at him, no, I wouldn't say that. I was just a little bothered by that whole scene with him and blue boy. Which I had no right or reason to be. It shouldn't bug me to see him hugging anyone or being friendly with other people. I wasn't the only person in his life and I'd be out of it in less than thirty days anyway. And it's not like there was anything like that between the two of us so I shouldn't feel this way.

So why _did_ I?

I had to cover it up at least, I couldn't tell him any of this – it would only make things awkward. "No, I'm tired."

"You were pretty awake just a moment ago," he retorted quickly, the smallest bit of annoyance making its way into his words.

I clicked my tongue in my mouth a couple of times. I was only _awake_ because he'd _made_ me get up – that, and because I was hungry. Now that I wasn't anymore, I just wanted to sleep. I had to have some time to think about what had just happened too. I had to know why I felt this growing urge to go trash the apartment just two doors down…

"Roxas, I can't let you go back to sleep—"

"What are you going to do? _Tell on me_? What's the worst that could happen, huh? I could get a stern reprimanding and a finger wag? I don't give a shit what those damn doctors have to say and I sure as hell don't care if I'm obeying them either. So why don't you just leave me alone so I can get some goddamn rest already?"

And there I go, yelling again. Well it was his own damn fault for being so pushy about it. He only had himself to blame.

No, that wasn't right. It was_ me_ who was so short tempered and so whiny. I didn't need any more sleep; all I really needed was to figure out what the hell was wrong with me. That and some more therapy. Okay, a _lot_ more therapy…

I opened my eyes again when I thought he'd left. It was silent for awhile and I had _really_ thought he'd been gone by now. But he wasn't gone, oh no. He was right in _front_ of me. My eyes narrowed and my cheeks flushed but I held still. I noticed he was kneeling down beside the bed so that he was eyelevel with me. His eyes bore into mine, emerald clashing with sapphire. It seemed for a second that he could see into my mind that way.

"Whats up, Barbie? Why the sudden attitude?" I was glad at least that he wasn't smirking or anything. He just looked concerned, the look that almost forced me into believing he gave a damn about me.

I tried to hide my eyes in the pillow but they wouldn't budge from his. He was just inches from me and yet I couldn't move from his stare. "You're moodier than normal. What's the problem? Did the doughnuts not agree with you?" He smiled just a bit at his own comment but it fled soon enough.

I desired so terribly to tell him what I was feeling. Maybe he would understand if I mentioned that I might have this weird attraction towards him. Perhaps he would just smile at me and tell me that he felt the same way. Maybe it could all work out.

And maybe I'd sprout wings and fly away from here.

I really had to stop listening to my heart – it was completely ridiculous and totally irrational.

"Okay, either you've forgotten how to talk or you're zoning out." Axel interrupted my thoughts once again.

But how could he possibly interrupt them when they were all _about_ him in the first place?

I sighed and shook my head, burying my face in the soft, warm pillow.

"Talk to me, please."

He sounded so sad…so desperate. I couldn't deny him of this any longer – I had to speak to him.

"What do you want me to say…?" I mumbled, burying my hands underneath the pillow I tried to avoid his eyes.

I saw the smile work its way across his face. "I just want you to tell me what's on your mind. You can talk to me – you know that, right?"

I scowled into the pillow, wishing that I _could _just tell him what was on my mind. Why did he have to say something so cheesy like that? It only made my heart want to melt on the spot.

I shivered when his warm fingers laced around my chin. He tugged at me gently, making me look him in the eyes. It was unnerving, uncomfortable and totally terrifying. But it felt _amazing_.

"Obviously there's something bothering you and I want to know what it is. And don't say it's me because you know I won't leave you alone until I figure this out."

He couldn't possibly be doing this to me. Not _now_ – not this soon! I didn't even know exactly what it was that I was _feeling_ for him yet. Maybe it really was just sexual frustration – it'd been too long since I'd last been laid and I just really needed someone. Maybe it was just a little crush – something that could never be taken any further than slight admiration. It could just possibly be _nothing_.

And maybe I was just lying to myself. I did that often.

Well there was really only one way to settle this, right? Only one way to really tell what this heated feeling was deep inside of me. And now was a pretty perfect situation to execute that. If only I could _move_.

"Would you just _talk_ to me? This is so damn frustrating!" Axel actually _yelled_. That was new…

His breath covered my skin and I felt my muscles tense up. If he thought _he_ was frustrated he should really try being in my shoes. The guy had it easy.

"Just…shut _up_," I murmured as I freed my hands from the pillow and used one to grab a hold of his collar. His own hand fell away from my face and I shivered at the coldness it left behind. Slowly, very slowly, I pulled him closer to me. My heart was beating faster than it ever had before. My hands were sweating so badly I thought they would slip away from his silky shirt. And my face was practically on _fire_.

But I couldn't stop. I couldn't and I wouldn't. I _had _to know this. If I didn't, I would most likely go insane. My eyes slid shut and I knew my lips were just inches from his. I could feel the metal of the ring on his lip brush across my soft flesh and my heart jumped in my chest.

It felt like ages that I just sat there like that, contemplating my decision. I just couldn't understand why I faltered. I'd kissed so many other people before…Why couldn't I kiss this _one_ man?

I sighed onto his lips and let my shaky hand fall away from his shirt in defeat. I knew why I couldn't do it – I just didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to tell myself that I could never be with anyone.

But I never _would_ – and I knew it.

How could anyone want to be with me after what I've done? How could I love someone who would never love me back? It just wasn't possible and I knew that. I knew it so well that I'd had to tell myself millions of times before it finally got stuck in my head. Yet I still had to_ remind_ myself so much…

Without looking at him, never knowing if his face was that of disgust or just disappointment, I bolted from the room with a heavy heart and unshed tears in my eyes.

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**A/N: Oooh cliffhanger. So how'd ya like that? Am I going to slow? Or too fast? Or at just the right pace? I really don't want to push things along too much because then it gets annoying, but going slow can be a bother to. Tell me what you think, kay? Reviewers get chocolate chip cookies! :D**

**Oh and thank you **_**Moofin**_** for beta-ing and putting this up for me! You are my love. **

**Moofin: Any time my dear ^^ Hey you guys! I hope you are really enjoying this story! I know I am! :D!!  
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	4. Fix The Sky A Little

**A/N: ****Ahhhh the sweet scent of filler. Don't we all love it? No…? ._. Well then…you're sure gonna love **_**this**_** chapter! 8D -laughs nervously- I know, I lie like none other. **

**I would like to thank my new reviews, _NinjaSheik_**** and **_**Regidork**_**, they be awesome. Yup yup. **

**Disclaimer: **** Yeah so I was walking outside the other day and I thought, "What if I owned Kingdom Hearts…?" Then I got hit by a bus. **

**Now! On with the show~!**

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_Chapter IV: Fix The Sky A Little_

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I had to run. I didn't care where I went; I just had to get away from here. The thought crossed my mind to just run back into the bathroom, but really, did I want to spend another night alone in there, crying my eyes out?

No, I didn't. So where else was there to go?

My eyes hit the front door and my heart leapt into my throat. I wasn't allowed out of this house, I wasn't allowed to go anywhere else but _here_. But no one was stopping my feet from running towards the only escape route I saw.

I fumbled with the knob for a moment, my hands still sweaty and nervous. I could hear Axel's footsteps from behind me; hear my name being shouted like a loud sweet sounding bell in my ears. I didn't stop though. I pushed the door open and flung myself out into the open aired apartment hallway. Warm August summer air hit me like a punch to the gut. It was as if I hadn't really breathed in days and this was the first time I had actually taken a full breath of _real_ air. And it would have been totally refreshing if I wasn't running for my life.

I hitched on my toes and sprinted down the left hallway where I saw the stairs leading down the side of the building. I didn't take my eyes off of them as I fumbled while running, my feet tripping and stumbling because I refused to look away from my main target. It was stupid and ridiculous that I had even _hoped_ to not get caught in this feeble attempt escape. I knew that when a warm and familiar hand clamped itself around my shaking arm. I hadn't even gotten to the stairs. I was seriously a failure.

"…Roxas, please wait."

His hand squeezed my arm tightly but almost affectionately. I was surprised he hadn't blown up on me yet. I thought for sure he would yell – tell me how disgusting I was. Something other than just saying my name and _please_! I hadn't even thought he'd be this…nice about it. What the hell was wrong with him? Something was because he was way too kind for his own good.

"Roxas…Why don't we go out somewhere?"

I blinked a few confused times, my watery eyes refusing to let the tears they desperately wanted to cry fall. I couldn't quite comprehend his question. Was I finally going crazy? Had he really just asked if he wanted to…?

"Let's just get away from here. I can go buy you a coffee, you like coffee? Or ice cream? I'll get you whatever you want, okay? Does that sound good?"

With my heart pounding in my ears I turned around, my eyes finally spilling a few drops of evil liquid. But for some reason…I just didn't give a damn that I was crying in front of him. His eyes were just so…_caring_. So compassionate and kindhearted. And I only cried more at that.

Why was he so perfect?

**XxX**

I sat still, playing silently with the straw that stuck out of the milkshake Axel had so graciously purchased for me. Not that I'd asked for it, not that I had even _wanted _it. I wasn't exactly in the milkshake mood.

Axel tried not to look directly at me from his spot across from me, his eyes seemingly wandering the small little coffee shop on the corner of the bay front, as if his mind was on something other than me. I wondered for a moment why Axel had wanted to take me from the apartment, it's not like I was allowed _out _of it. House arrest was house arrest. There weren't really any in-betweens, were there? Nevertheless, it didn't seem like he was going to tell anyone about this little outing, I mean, that would only get him in trouble anyway.

I glanced around the little shop once again, following Axel's eyes. I'd actually been here before many times. It was cozy and calm – it had that homey feeling to it and always smelled of coco beans. My friends and I came to this exact place often after school let out, just to chill and whatnot. I was glad I didn't feel any pain being there, the memories seemed to stay at bay for the time being.

I eyed Axel again; the silence was starting to bother me. I didn't _want_ him to talk or anything, I just wished he had let me run away. I wished that he had yelled at me so I could have at least had a good reason for fleeing from his presence. I was so damn _antsy_ just sitting there in the practically abandoned café with so much on my mind I thought my brain would overflow out my ears from all the thoughts running around in it.

What did Axel think about me now?

Well obviously he knew what I thought about _him_. Even though I wished those feelings away. I just longed for my stupid infatuation with him to disappear. I really didn't need to deal with this right now, after all I've been through. I guess this was just icing on the cake of despair.

"So…Roxas."

I flinched when he said my name, biting on the inside of my lip nervously. And here it comes – the talk. The one where he says he's really not that in to me and that we should just be friends from now on. Well, that would be fine. I could live with that, right? All I would have to do is avoid him for the rest of my life and…

"What's your favorite color?"

I frowned down at my cup, watching the condensation drip down the sides slowly. I really…didn't understand him one bit. I try to kiss him and he sits me down to talk to ask me _that_?

I took a deep breath and squeaked out, "Red."

I almost slapped my hand over my treacherous mouth. Seriously had I just said _red_?! What the hell?! Since when had it been red? I thought it was always _green_…

Axel surprised me by laughing out loud, a large smile stretching out on his face. His pointer finger and thumb went straight to his lip ring and he fiddled with it as he said, "Red, huh? Alright. Favorite animal?"

What was this? Twenty questions? "I…I like dogs…"

Axel nodded and continued on. "Favorite kind of food?"

I kept my eyes focused on my cup as I answered him again, "Italian…is good. But Chinese…I like that too…" So why in the world was I telling him these things? Just what was he getting at?

"Cool, I like Italian too. Are you part Italian or something?" he asked. His eyes were almost glowing with interest, his hand still stuck on his lip, pushing the ring back and forth through the hole in his skin. I watched with wide eyes, somehow it was oddly attractive the way he did it.

I swallowed thickly and tried to remember his question. What had he asked me…? Oh right. "I think I'm…a quarter Italian or something like that," I mumbled, trying to remember back to when my parents would tell me about my heritage, which wasn't much. I was just a mutt, a mix of a lot of things, they would always say. I bent the straw with my fingers, still chewing at my lip but not as frantically as before. It was weird…for a second I thought that my heart was actually calming down a bit.

"Don't know much about your heritage, do ya?" I shook my head timidly sipping from the milkshake straw, getting vanilla on my tongue. Axel just smiled and continued, "I'm Portuguese myself. Irish too, but you didn't need to know that." His smile turned into a smirk and my eyes found it hard to look away from him like that. So he was Irish? That explained the crazy red hair…

"Anything you want to know about me, Roxas?" he asked suddenly, placing both his skinny elbows onto the table he rested his chin in the cradle he created with his long, laced fingers.

I opened my mouth but closed it quickly. Axel raised an eyebrow at my action. Damn him for being so observant. "What's the matter? You can ask whatever you want, really. I'm all ears." He accentuated the comment by pulling on one of the hoops pierced through his cute ears, grinning stupidly.

I sighed, feeling defeated. There really was no point in keeping it from him. "Where are you going with this?" I asked quietly. I didn't look back up at him no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn't let him see my eyes and I didn't really want to see his either.

There were a few moments of silence but eventually he answered my question. "I just want to get to know you better."

All I could do was nod and chew on the plastic straw that sat in my mouth. He wanted to get to know me? But why? What was the point anyway? I'd be out of his life soon enough and he'd never have to deal with me ever again after that. There was no point in becoming friends just for that short amount of time.

"Isn't that what people do when they like each other?"

I almost spit the milkshake back out onto the table. Instead it got caught in my throat but slid back down uncomfortably, causing my eyes to water and a pitiful cough to escape from my mouth.

Had I just…_heard_ right?

Axel smirked open mouthed from across the table. "Unless I got the wrong idea. I really thought by what you did back at the apartment that you—"

I waved my hands in his face, begging for him not to continue. "I-I just…I didn't know what I was thinking, or doing for that matter. I'm really sorry. It won't happen again, so please let's just get on with our lives. Please…" My heart slowed at the end of my sentence but it still beat like a fire, hot in my ears. I just knew they were beat red along with my face.

Axel didn't seem convince, maybe even a bit smugger than before. "Roxas I'm not stupid, I know how you look at me. And if you were the least bit observant then maybe you would see the way _I _look at _you_."

The straw flicked out of my mouth as I looked up at him. His smile was warm and soft, his eyes shining with the smallest bit of amusement. He was just…full of surprises, wasn't he?

"This…won't work," I stated the obvious even though I didn't want to. My mind just kept telling me to find excuses. This couldn't be real; he couldn't really be telling me that he felt the same way. It just wasn't possible. Besides, there were plenty of reasons for this to never ever work out.

"Oh yeah?" he inquired, leaning over the table again only this time a lot closer to me. Like his nose was almost touching mine. Don't lean forward. Don't for the love of god lean forward, no matter how good he smells, no matter how much you'd love those lips on yours. _You cannot lean forward_.

"Y-yeah," I stuttered. I was just surprised I had actually uttered a coherent word with our proximity.

Axel let out a quick, short laugh, "It's okay, I'm in to guys too. You're not alone." He quickly tapped his pointer finger to my nose, making my eyes squint. "What else could get in the way?"

"A l-lot of things…" I practically whispered. It was getting very hard to control this urge to _throw_ myself at him. He had better lean back into his chair before things get ugly...

"Like…?" Axel trailed off, his breath encompassing me. Again the mixed scent of sugar, caramel and tobacco hit me. It was so intoxicating…I really just wanted it in my mouth. I was sure it would taste a hundred times better than the milkshake did.

It took me a minute to comprehend what he had said. I forced myself to lean back a few inches, feeling the tug and pull at my heart to move back the other way. I wouldn't give in that easily, at least I hoped I wouldn't. I spoke softly but it grew louder as I pressed on. "Like…our age difference. And the fact that you're supposed to be my caretaker. And how about the fact that I'm on house arrest? Oh and don't forget that I'm a fucked up teenager with nowhere to live because my damn father doesn't even want me anymore. Are those good enough reasons for you?"

He seemed unimpressed but he leaned back nonetheless. I was glad for that, but also infuriated. "You're not fucked up Roxas."

I narrowed my eyes dangerously at him. Who was_ he_ to tell me that? "You don't even know me."

"I'm trying to change that."

"By _what_? Asking me what kind of shampoo I prefer? This is stupid. You don't know who I am and you have no idea what happened to me." Well maybe he did. Who's to say the doctors hadn't told him? But really…he wouldn't be acting like this if he _did_ know.

Axel sighed and tapped a finger gently on the table's surface. "So what exactly do you want me to do? Ask you straight forward about your past? Sure I'd like to know about that some time, but I want to know _you_ before I know about what you've done."

But you'd never like me if you knew. You'd never _want_ someone like me. I was a whore and a slut. I had a horrible burden on my chest that I've _never_ talked to anyone about before. And I'd...I had…

"Barbie…you okay?"

"I said not to call me that," I growled back, my hands trembling around the cup in front of me. I couldn't get mad now. None of this was Axel's fault. He wasn't the one who controlled me. _I_ controlled me. Only me. I was the one who fucked_ everything_ up…It was…all my fault…

"_Roxas_…calm down, okay? I'm not mad at you or anything, let's just—"

"Shut up! Just shut up, _okay_? You really don't know _anything_, do you?!" Between my shout I had managed to sit up without knocking the chair over. I felt bad for Axel – him being the only person around to let my anger out on. He really didn't deserve any of this. He didn't need shit from a kid like me…

"Just…hold on there. Sit back down, please Roxas," he coaxed me, standing up slowly as to chase after me if I decided to run. And I had to admit, the thought had crossed my mind. Even if I knew it would be futile it just seemed so inviting right now. Running from all my problems usually worked out.

I didn't sit or run though, I didn't even flinch. I stood tall, arms shaking at my sides, my heart going crazy in my chest. A few minutes of clenching and unclenching of my fists should do the trick. Just had to focus. Focus on nothing. _Pretend_.

Axel waited patiently in front of me, watching as I breathed in through my nose then out through my mouth. It's what I had learned in my time with a few therapists, the ones I had actually taken the time to listen to. Usually they were all idiotic bastards who were just doing their job for the money. Hardly any of them knew how to deal with someone like me. But then again, could I really blame them there? _I _hardly knew how to deal with me…

"Are you…alright now?" Axel flashed me one of his famous concern stares.

I closed my eyes and asked something I'd wanted to know for awhile now, "Why did they put me with you?"

Axel stayed silent for a few moments, mulling it over. He spoke seconds later, "Because I'm…qualified? I'm studying to become a psychiatrist actually. I've already taken a year of medical school but I'm off for the summer so I volunteered at the hospital. It's almost like a pre-medical program I guess."

Oh wow. _Someone _was dedicated. Why was it such a shock to find out that Axel was actually in training to become some medical genius? Maybe because he gave off the "rocker-punk-I-don't-give-a-shit" type of vibe. It really confused me to see someone hiring him with all those piercings though…and the tattoos, couldn't forget about those either.

Maybe he was just…that _good_? It didn't seem like it to me. Though he was dealing with me fairly well…he hadn't once gotten mad or fed up with me yet. It's always compassion with him…

"Are you surprised?" he asked after a few beats of silence. I didn't say anything but he continued anyway, sitting himself down into the chair once again, obviously trusting me by now to not run away. "I know I don't look like someone who would be that devoted or the least bit enthusiastic about something like that. But I just like…talking to people. I like getting in their heads and figuring out what the problem is. Some people like taking apart trucks and cars – I'd rather take apart someone's mind." He smiled when I sat down too, my legs getting tired of standing like that and I was just…purely_ intrigued_ by what he had to say. Information about him – it was actually good to hear. I wanted to know more about him even if I refused to tell him about myself. I was pretty much the definition of a hypocrite.

"Doesn't mean I'm a complete whiz kid or a prick or anything like that," Axel started again, eyeing me softly. "Actually I was never the smartest in any of my classes. I kind of struggled through high school but somehow managed to get into a good college. I kinda thought from then on that it was meant to be, so that's what I'm aiming for. But…well, we'll see I guess." He took a small breath then chuckled slightly at me. I probably looked very confused or impressed or shocked. In fact it was probably all three combined. "I've been meaning to get inside _your_ head actually, figure you out. But there's this wall there, it's hard to break down. I thought going slow would be better for you anyway. We've got a month – that's plenty of time."

Suddenly a month didn't seem long _enough_.

**XxX**

I exited Axel's shiny red Toyota Camry with a somewhat lighter heart then when I had entered it. It was a nice little car I guess, though I really never was one for cars. We could have easily walked to the coffee shop anyway; there was really no reason for wasting gas.

I was about to say comment on his car, a nice compliment or something but he quickly brought his finger up to his lips, shushing me before I could speak. "You better get back up to the apartment quickly. We don't really want to be caught, now do we?" He quickly crossed the car and took my hand in his. I bit my lip, wincing as he swiftly led me up the staircase all the way to the top floor where we reached the apartment number "21". He inserted the key into the slot and then pushed open the door. I had a weird feeling of homesickness as we entered the place, kicking off our shoes by the door mat. It's not like I missed the mansion…no, I missed my old home. My _real_ home. The one with my…

"We're just lucky you don't have one of those spiffy ankle things. You know, the ones that keep you tied to the house so you have to be within ten feet of the place at all times? They must really trust me. _Jesus_…" He walked into the house, disappearing behind the wall that lead to the rooms and bathroom. I blinked a few times, wondering if he was just abruptly abandoning me now to just go back to the norm. Maybe that's how he wanted it. Maybe he just didn't really feel the need to act like anything happened at all. Nothing really _did _happen, did it? I mean, we talked for a bit. He shared a little more about his college and school life, and then we left. He accepted my feelings towards him and he…reciprocated them? I really didn't even know. He could have just been joking around.

Or maybe not…

"Well now that my conscious is completely destroyed, how about we go swimming?" Axel reappeared, this time with two white towels and a big smile plastered on his face. I was just so relieved that he wasn't deserting me. I took one of the towels from him without really thinking.

Swimming? This place had a pool?

"Pools out the back, you probably haven't seen it yet, but it's really nice. Ten feet deep at one point," he said, practically reading my mind. It was kinda freaky how he did that.

I nodded and almost smiled. No. I couldn't let myself smile. Just because someone cared for me, whether that was all in my head or not, was no reason to smile at all. I still didn't deserve it.

"I'm going to go get changed, okay?" At least Axel could smile. I don't think I could live anymore if he didn't. He tipped his head once to me, winked and then turned to walk back to his room, whistling and swinging the towel around in his hand.

If I could have melted, I would have. If I was some kind of candle man, all made of wax, then I'd have just been reduced into a puddle on the floor. Of course, I wasn't, so I just kind of stood there like an idiot for a few minutes until I realized that I had to get changed too if I was ever going swimming with him.

I took a deep breath before setting off into my room, still feeling the urge to smile on my way there. I really had to force it back down this time. I changed quickly, checking myself in the long mirror that hung on the inside of the closet. The swim trunks were bought for a birthday I think, awhile ago and amazingly they still fit me. Surprise surprise. I glanced down at the white binds that were still tied around my wrists. They were practically falling off by now, but really, they weren't that bad. I'd had much worst cuts; they barley took that much time to heal anymore. I was just glad they were hardly noticeable this time. Still, I tied them tighter for good measure. But I wasn't really focusing on them or even the silly swirled patterns of my green and blue trunks. I wasn't even looking at my chest, which seemed to have formed abs here and there out of nowhere. No, I was looking at my face. Since when had I looked so…light? Really, if I was smiling I would have seemed almost completely normal.

That…really wasn't me. But…could I change that? Could I potentially alter myself into someone who I could actually tolerate? It was possible I guess, perhaps with Axel's help…just maybe…

"Barbie! Let's get going!"

Of course, he would have to grow up a bit and I'd have to lighten up some.

"I'm coming, hang on," I said loudly, hoping my coy voice could penetrate through the door and to his gorgeously pierced ears. I closed the closet door and grabbed the towel from my bed, pivoting then, I reached the door in seconds.

And there he was, in all his glory. And damn it…he was shirtless. Why had I not thought of that even once? Of course he would have to be without a shirt on. How had I not taken that into consideration? But damn…if I thought he was perfect _with_ a shirt on then I was seriously wrong. His chest was so amazing…I could have just ran my hands up and down it, memorizing every curve and crevice, sensing his warmth on my own skin, loving the feel of it beneath my fingertips.

I'd have to keep my hands under control. They would _not_ embarrass me like that. I let my eyes wander to his swim trunks, noticing the flame patterns that rose upwards towards the black waist band.

"Looking cute, Barbie. Though I think you forgot your bikini." He just laughed at my disgruntled face. Maybe I could let my hands punch him into next week. That would be fine, right? "Come on, I'm burning up in here. To the pool!" He even did the finger point and everything. He was seriously a kid, no question about that.

He once again led me by the hand, as if I couldn't walk by myself. It was ridiculous and totally uncalled for, but I couldn't say I hated it. I actually enjoyed the feeling of his warm fingers cupped over my own.

We made it to the back quickly and the pool came into vision. I could see why I hadn't seen it before – it was completely blocked off from a frontal view. And it was nice from what I could see. The water was clear blue and the smell of chlorine filled the air. Many chairs filled the inside of the gate; a few people lounged out on them, enjoying the sunshine from above. I hoped that I'd just be able to do that, swimming wasn't exactly something I enjoyed. I usually just flapped around in deep water, never really floating. I regret to say that I had to use floaties until I was 13 years old.

Axel let go of my hand to open the small waist high gate that let us into the pool area. He walked in first, his head held high while he tossed his towel onto a bright yellow lawn chair, causing me to follow suit. "You like to swim, Roxas?" he asked as he threw off his shoes, letting them both land in two different places.

I gently shook my head back and forth but took my own shoes off too. I could at least wade in the shallow parts.

"Awe, why not? Can't swim?" Axel raised an eyebrow, smiling leeringly. I huffed and walked over to the edge of the pool where the steps started. Axel laughed but followed me anyway. "I'll help you, don't worry. I won't let you drown."

"Thank you for your concern but I'm sure I'll be just fine by myself," I replied thickly while stepping into the chilly water. It wasn't that bad actually, maybe around seventy degrees. It felt good on my skin compared to the hot summer heat surrounding me.

"Well while you're here _inching_ your way into the pool, I'll be over there doing some kick-ass cannon balls." He stared at me for a second and then smirked, saying, "Mind out of the gutter, Roxas," before rushing off to the very end of the pool. I narrowed my eyes and watched as he positioned himself in front of the diving board, took a running start then flung his body in the air, curling in on himself at the last second to cause a huge eruption of water spraying just about everywhere. A few people complained on the side of the pool then glared at me as if he was _my_ child and I should be watching him more carefully.

"Did you see that, Roxas?" he yelled from his spot in the water, grinning like a 5-year-old that had just been given a candy shop.

I sighed and shook my head back and forth, sitting down onto one of the lower steps. "I'm pretty sure everyone here saw it," I yelled back, just not as loud.

He laughed loudly then fell backwards and did a summersault. When he resurfaced he was a lot closer to me but he was still smiling like an idiot. "Why don't you try? It's really fun."

I started at him, his hair sparkling like a wine cooler in the sun. He looked like some kind of swim suit model, just getting out of the pool after a shoot. "N-no thanks, I'm fine."

"Roxas, you are no fun at_ all_," he said, poking my nose with a long finger.

I swatted his hand away and glared at him. "Are you sure you're 21? You act more like a—"

"17-year-old? Yea well, you act like a 21-year-old. Lighten up Roxas, its summer – you're _supposed_ to have some fun."

I frowned as his logic. Sure he was right; I _was_ acting like some adult who was afraid of getting too wet. But that didn't mean I was going to act like a little kid either. I sighed and splashed some water right into his face, causing him to shield back and close his eyes. The reaction was cute; maybe I should try that again…

"What the hell was that? Feeling playful _now_ are we?" Axel smirked widely while he used his own hand to spray a stream of water into my face. And yikes, was that _cold_! I should have expected that, it was only fair after all. His grin merely widened at my over the top response to the cold water in my face. "Just go under, once you get used to it then it's not that bad."

I shook my head. I didn't want to move from my spot on the steps, I was fine right here thank you.

"I guess I'll have to dunk you then," he replied nonchalantly with a shrug of his shoulders. My eyes widened and I wondered if he would really do something like that. Well I couldn't count out that he _wouldn't_, that mischievous grin was most likely capable of anything.

I lowered my head in defeat and proceeded further into the pool, the water reaching its way up my torso with every small step I took, making me shiver.

Axel eyed me skeptically, his arms crossed on his perfect chest. "Roxas _this_," he said quickly, whipping his hand up to my back and pushing with the utmost force so that I fell face first into the cold water. My head went under and I resurfaced with a gasp, standing up on both my feet and brushing the water from my eyes with a scowl in place. He smiled as he finished his sentence, "is how you do it."

"Y-you bastard!" I sputtered, feeling water in my nose. "I didn't say I needed _help_," I protested. I wouldn't admit that it was just as he said though; the water didn't even feel cold to me anymore.

"That's not what you're thinking. You're really thanking me right now," he sang as he waged a finger in my face.

I hit his hand away and fell to my knees so that only my head was surfaced. "You're crazy…" I mumbled, blowing bubbles with my words. Actually he really wasn't crazy. I wouldn't say I was_ thanking_ him but at least now I wasn't cold anymore…

Axel laughed haughtily then sank down in front of me, his eyes locked with mine. I began to back up but out of fear of embarrassment but he spoke before I could. "Smile for me, Roxas."

My mouth gaped open and I had to close it forcefully. He couldn't have just asked me that…

"You haven't_ really_ smiled since I met you. What's holding you back?" He cocked his head to the side then brought a hand up to my face, brushing away some of the fallen damp bangs that had slid into my eyes. "Besides…I'm sure you look even cuter when you do."

The water was suddenly burning hot. Or was that just my face? Could have just been that. Why did I feel the need to dive under the water and never resurface? I could drown right now and not even care.

Axel looked at me, amused. "Smile, please." If I didn't know better I'd almost say he was stretching my face at the edges to get me to smile.

I raised a shaky hand and clamped it over his arm tightly. While glaring at him I pushed his arm back then stood up and walked out of the pool.

I knew he'd chase after me and try to get me to explain this whole thing to him. Too bad I wasn't going to tell him anything. I wasn't smiling for him, he couldn't make me. I treaded over towards the yellow chair we had tossed our towels onto and sat myself down, throwing one of the towels over my face for more than one reason.

"Roxas…come on, what was that for? Come back into the pool." Axel was already standing there, I could see through the thin fabric of the towel.

I replied with a quick, "Go away," then closed my eyes under the cloth, feeling the sun quickly drying the pool water that was still left on my skin.

"Look I'm sorry – I didn't mean to upset you or anything, really. You can frown all you want at me, alright?"

I frowned under the sheet but obviously he couldn't see that gesture. I really shouldn't have been acting this way, like a stuck up little child. But it just…it caught me off guard what he did. No one had ever realized that I didn't smile anymore. I thought I put on a good enough mask to cover up the inner sorrow that swelled inside me. Guess I'd have to keep practicing.

I sighed and waited for him to go away. I wasn't budging, besides, the sun felt amazing beaming down on me. I could just wait here while he got his energy out and then we could go back up to the apartment.

I scowled and groaned when I felt cold water splash all over my body once again but I didn't look to see who it was. Obviously it was Axel and obviously he wasn't being that mature about this. Sometimes I felt as if I should be the one watching over _him_.

Sunlight blinded me when the towel was lifted from my face. I gasped and was about to yell when I saw a familiar face. Big blue eyes and snow blonde hair. A warm smile that only a mother figure would have.

"N-Naminé…?"

"Roxas? Oh, I _thought_ that was you! Long time no see, kiddo." She smiled happily, her eyes closing at the pressure. She looked even better than she had before, back in school. She seemed less shy at least, that was good.

"What are you doing here?" I asked quickly, nudging the towel off my face I sat up and dangled my legs off the side of the chair. She stood in front of me, looking taller than before too but I knew that was just because I was sitting down. She actually was about the same height as me.

Naminé smoothed out her silky white skirt before settling down on the chair opposite of me. "I live here, silly. Well for now at least, you know how my parents never really stay in one place for too long. They travel all around the world on their business trips, so I'm just hanging out here until I finish high school."

I nodded, remembering something about her telling me that her parents were well known traveling sales persons. I always felt really bad for her, never having her parents around. "You look good, Naminé. Happier I mean."

She giggled, using her petite hand to cover up the action. "Everyone's been saying that. I guess it's because I finally realized that I really don't need my parent's to be happy. I have a lot of friends, that's good enough for me."

I nodded but not in agreement. She really had no idea what she was saying…

"So how have you been, Roxas?" she asked, her smile fading but not totally disappearing.

I shrugged and ran a hand through my hair, thinking of a good way to answer that. "Fine…I guess. Not better, but fine." That didn't sound too emo, did it?

She looked like she wanted to place a consoling hand on my shoulder but held it back, probably because it had been so long since I'd last seen her, we really didn't have that kind of relationship anymore. Not that our relationship had been anything special, she was always like a big sister to me. Watching out for me in school and always being there to care when no one else was. Me, her, Olette, Pence and…

"You…you still aren't blaming yourself for that, are you?" The weird thing with Naminé was that I could talk to her about pretty much anything and not really get overly dramatic. I really missed her.

"What else can I do, Naminé? It was my fault and I know it. I have blood on my hands, I can't just forget that." I swallowed thickly and glanced down at my now trembling hands. So maybe I didn't really keep all my sanity intact when talking to her. But you couldn't blame me. Talking about my past was probably the hardest thing in the world for me to do.

Her hand came up on my shoulder anyway – I knew she wouldn't have been able to hold it back. It felt nice, knowing that she was still there for me after all this time. "No one blames you Roxas. No one."

"No one but my father," I whispered back jerkily. My hands were now clenched together on my lap, resisting the urge to pick up one of the chairs and throw it angrily at the wall.

"Is that…why you're here?" she asked cautiously, squeezing my shoulder softly.

Her crystal-like eyes bore into mine and I nodded. "I'm currently residing with that redheaded idiot over there," I replied angrily with clenched teeth, not even glancing at the pool where I heard another splash sound from.

Naminé took her eyes off of me for a second to glance behind her even though I'm pretty sure anyone would have noticed him even _without_ looking. "Axel? You're staying with Axel?" She seemed shocked, her mouth hanging open just a bit.

"Unfortunately."

I narrowed my eyes when a small giggle escaped her lips. "He'll be good for you, Roxas."

"Sorry but I just don't think 'good for me' has crossed my mind yet," I sighed out as her hand slipped slowly back down to her side.

She shook her head, holding up one of her small fingers. "A friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself. Let him_ in_ Roxas, let him see the other side of you that I used to know and love. Trust me…Axel can really…_grow_ on you."

"Are you talking about me again, Naminé? You know I hate it when you're always spreading gossip." Axel had appeared out of nowhere, glossy and wet, sparkling in the sunlight. I had almost forgotten how amazing he looked half naked…oh god.

Naminé rolled her eyes and turned gently to the left to see the redhead. "I think you've got me mixed up with Demyx."

Axel smirked then sat down beside me, throwing a very long, very _wet_ arm across my once dried shoulders. I practically froze in place – I'd be lucky if I ever moved again. "I guess I'll have to talk to Dem about that." He glanced back and forth between the two of us, eyeing us both through half lidded eyes. "You two know each other?"

I would have asked him the same thing if I wasn't so tied up at the moment.

"Roxas goes to my high school. He was in my Art and Computer Application classes last year. And…cooking too, right Roxas?"

I could hardly nod in the state I was in. Oh god, if he stayed like this,Naminé would most likely be scarred for life and would never want to talk to me again. Even though she knew my sexual orientation, like most people at school found out about after only a few short weeks, I really doubt she'd take kindly to seeing me jumping Axel out in public like this.

"Oh, I didn't know Roxas _had_ friends." Damn him. If I could glare daggers at him I so _would_.

"We had a lot of fun at Destiny High; Roxas was always in our group of friends. Ever since he moved here about a year ago. Everyone kind of has to be friends there, the school is pretty small." I was just so glad Naminé was there to talk for me. She gave me an encouraging smile which I returned with desperate eyes. I'm really thinking 'help me' was engraved into both of them.

"Oh right, yea. I went there too. Nice school. You still have Mr. Ansem as your principle? That guy was a total jackass. I remember he caught me smoking on school grounds once, I got suspended for two weeks and had to pay a 140 dollar fine." Axel crossed his legs, shaking his head slightly causing little drops of water to spray all over me. I wished I could move – _badly_, so I could beat him up for this.

"Mr. Ansem is only stern or strict to the naughty students, Axel. Maybe he thought you would learn your lesson," Naminé said, wagging her finger like she was Axel's mother, her golden locks circling around her face in the slight breeze.

Axel laughed and I felt his arm tighten around my shoulder. "Never _did_ learn my lesson. Guess I'm just a naughty, naughty boy, huh?"

God someone please shoot me. Or him, either one would work.

Naminé only rolled her eyes again, taking lightly to Axel's perverseness. Guess she really _did_ know him, I really found that odd somehow. Who knew someone like Naminé could like someone like Axel?

"Nevertheless Axel, you had better be taking care of Roxas. He's a good kid and deserves to be treated as such." Naminé was far too kind for her own good. I hardly deserved anything she said I did, no matter how soft and polite her heart was. The truth was the truth and I couldn't run or hide from it.

I think Axel smirked but I couldn't really tell from where I was sitting. "I'm taking extra good care of him. So don't be getting any ideas that you have to step in and help out. He's all mine." If his grip could have gotten any tighter then it just did. Was he planning on breaking my arm while he was at it? Maybe suffocating me? This was stupid. _He_ was being stupid.

Naminé only smiled and replied, "I wasn't thinking that." Her eyes wandered but she huffed when Axel apparently gave her a stare. "Really, I wasn't. Roxas is one of my very good friends. Whom I have missed terribly over the summer. We can…catch up now; I really want to know about everything you've been up to."

Oh no you don't.

"Yeah well first he's gotta tell _me_. I'm his guardian anyway."

She titled her head to the side, almost like Axel did when he was confused. Only they both looked totally different when they did it. "Guardian? What do you…?"

"You mean he didn't tell y—"

I managed to elbow him in the side, roughly I might add. Apparently it had knocked the wind out of him. At least I wasn't totally helpless in this situation.

"G…goddamnit Roxas, that hurt…" I wished I could see the look on his face. All I could see was Naminé's though, shocked and very bewildered. I took this opportunity to slink away and out from under Axel's arm, succeeding in my attempt flawlessly now that he was incapacitated.

"It's okay Nami. He and I have this kind of relationship," I told her quickly. I frowned deeply over at him, sneaking away as far as the lawn chair would allow so he wouldn't launch another surprise attack on me. He was still rubbing his ribs, whining like a baby.

She laughed suddenly, her gentle and soothing laugh that had always made me turn my head in the hallways at school and even now. "Well I hope you two work something out. There's no need to be arguing when there can always be talking."

She was sounding more and more like a mom every day. She really would make a good one; some guy is going to be very lucky to have her one day.

"Anyways, I have to get going," she said finally, standing up from the chair and stretching her short arms into the air, her tank top ridding up slightly as she did. I wondered quickly why she had come down to the pool dressed like that in the first place. Maybe she had just wanted some sun, I guess. She never really was one for swimming which was just another thing that we had in common. "My shift at the restaurant starts in twenty minutes. You two should come visit me sometime; I could give you some extra little mints." She giggled once more then looked me over, seriousness clouding her features. "Take care, Roxas. Come over anytime you want. My apartment number is '15' – I'll bake you cookies, okay?"

I nodded and stood up, feeling the urge to smile more and more at her light mood. How had I thought that everyone in the world had abandoned me? There was still Naminé; she was _still_ there for me. Maybe she always would be. "Thanks, Naminé. I really don't deserve you're kindness."

Before I knew it she had me wrapped in one of her death hugs. The people at school would always call them that, she was just a really huggy person. I didn't mind though, I never did mind. "Of course you do, Roxas. You need so much more than what I can offer. That's why," she leaned in and whispered in my ear, "you have Axel now. Remember what I told you."

I swallowed and nodded – I couldn't let her down. If _she_ believed in me…then maybe there was hope for me after all.

**XxX**

___"_So you and Naminé —"

"She's one of my best friends, Axel. Give it a rest and grow up," I snapped at him. He had been eyeing me the whole way up to the apartment, skeptical and annoying as always.

"Alright alright, calm down there spitfire, I was only asking." He walked sullenly over to the kitchen and picked up the phone, dialing a number swiftly by memory. He leaned against the wall, toweling his dripping wet hair as he pushed the phone to his ear. "Yeah, hey, I'd like two orders of egg rolls and some sweet honey chicken…yeah the kind with the sesame seeds. And uhm…throw in some sugar rolls too. Yup…yeah, the address is…"

I sighed contently and walked to my room, knowing that Axel was ordering Chinese for us. I guess that made me a little excited, I was so hungry. I presumed the time was around 3 or 4 in the afternoon, so obviously I would be hungry. I changed swiftly out of my trunks before rushing off to the bathroom to take a quick shower. I just couldn't stand the feeling I got after being in a pool for even the shortest amount of time.

After drying myself off I slipped into a new pair of knee high shorts, my light tan ones with checkers running along the sides. I grabbed a checkered shirt to match and one of my necklaces, the metal one that looked like some kind of ninja throwing star. I'd got it for Christmas awhile back from one of my grandparents I think. I had really grown to like the thing actually.

I yawned mechanically as I walked into the kitchen, smelling my favorite kind of smell.

Chinese.

Well that sure was fast. My hands shot forward to the take-out boxes, opening one to reveal the egg rolls. Quickly grabbing one to stuff in my mouth I opened the other box and the smell of honey chicken enveloped me. I'd probably end up eating all of this if Axel didn't stop me soon.

"Get a plate, you eat like a pig."

I shot him a glare and swallowed the food that was in my mouth. "I'm hungry, you bastard. Leave me alone."

Axel smirked. "That's twice you've called me a bastard today. I'm starting to think I'm doing something wrong."

I sat down, ignoring his demand to retrieve a plate. "That's the problem. You thinking I mean," I said while munching on a sugar roll.

Axel's smirk had left behind some kind of weird, conceited look. I didn't really like it. "Clean up when you're done, I'm going to take a shower." Before I could say anything else he was gone from the room.

Like he told me I cleaned up after I was done, putting what was left of the food into the fridge. I felt a little dense for some reason; obviously I had ticked him off on some kind of level. I really didn't think he could _get_ angry. Besides for when I refused to talk to him, he had always been just fine, no matter what I said. Maybe I was wrong for overestimating his tolerance with me…

I suddenly felt the horrible need to apologize to him. I don't know why because I hardly ever said I was sorry, for anything at all, big or small. Really saying you were sorry didn't change a thing, but…maybe I could try.

I found myself knocking on his door, knowing he was inside, probably getting dressed. He opened the door and leaned on the wooden frame, staring at me with wide eyes, a towel throw around his neck. Well at least he was fully clothed, not that I had been expecting him to open the door otherwise…

"What's up, Shorty?" It seemed that his former good mood was back. Maybe I really had no reason to be apologizing after all.

Well this was stupid. "Just…uhm, I…I'm sorry, for before. I didn't mean to…uhh…" I was the absolute _worst_ with words, especially words of endearment.

Axel leaned down to my level and regarded me with hazy eyes. "Who are you and what have you done with Roxas?"

I was confused at his question but answered anyway, "N-nothing, I'm right here, dammit, I'm just trying to apologize…I don't really think before I say things and…I…" Okay now I was saying too much, he hardly needed to know _that_. This little idea was really, really dumb. "That's…all I wanted to say, so, okay." I quickly turned around but of course, was caught by his hand. He never let me go without a fight did he?

And obviously he wasn't planning on letting me go anytime soon because he pulled me back through the door. I yelped helplessly as he shut the door with his foot then leaned back up against it, pinning my back to the wood.

Bad idea. Bad, bad, _bad_ idea, Roxas!

I closed my eyes when he leaned in towards me, whispering in my ear, "Just calm down, alright? I can practically see your heart beating out of your chest." I took a short, quick breath but I didn't calm down, how could I? He was inches away from me and all I could do was stand there like a puppet. My eyes like huge shiny orbs, staring off into distance.

I almost passed out when his lips connected with the skin on my neck but I couldn't stop the little whimper from escaping my lips. Just what…what in the hell was he thinking? This was crazy. I had just told him _today_ that I liked him. But I was just being a hypocrite again; I'd done this plenty of times with people I'd just met. Really…what was the difference with Axel? There defiantly was one – I just couldn't really put my finger on it. Was it because I felt this strong pull towards him? I didn't want to mess things up with him…that could have been it.

"I told you to just calm down. I'm not going to do anything rash, I promise." His breath was hot and burning; the only thing sending me shivers was his lip ring, the metal seeming way too cold on my skin.

He kissed me again, this time longer and just below my ear, which apparently was a _very_ sensitive spot because I couldn't stop moaning in my throat like some sex-crazed girl. But I…didn't want him to stop. I actually wanted him to…continue…

My hopes were crushed when he breathed three simple words though, "Okay, I'm done."

Really…_really_ bad idea, Roxas.

* * *

**A/N: Well hello there my friends. Yes I just love cliffhangers, almost as much as I loved those marshmellows I stole from that one person's house. Yup, you know who I'm talking about. Mmmm, those were gooood. So! This chapter kind of refused to be written for a few days then I typed like crazy today, ending up with this ridiculously long ass chapter. I just hope you're liking this, it's so difficult to write sometimes! OH! And note that I have changed where Roxas lives, I kinda wanted to stay away from "real world stuff" so to speak, so I stuck to good old Destiny Islands. His home town was Twilight Town, of course but yea, you can go back and check that as you see fit. **

**Thank you for clicking that button! It is greatly appriciated! :D**


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